‘After a genuinely gruelling three days she’s back in my bed’
Welcome to How I Do It, the series in which we give you a seven-day sneak peek into the sex life of a stranger.
This week, we hear from Sam*, a 27-year-old booking manager in the music industry.
Sam is straight and has a girlfriend of four months, Milly*, but is worried their sex life has ‘fallen off a cliff’ since Milly started her new job.
‘Before this week, we would have sex about eight times a week and I love how varied it usually is,’ he says.
‘If we are tired, we have slow, tired but loving sex. If we come home drunk, it’s chaotic, fun and beautiful. Having said that these things can switch around too!’
And, while Sam enjoys being more dominant in the bedroom, a surprise shift near the end of the week left him with an orgasm that felt like ‘it was sent from the gods’.
So, without any further ado, here’s how he got on this week…
Wednesday
My girlfriend has just started a new job. I am so proud of her, especially after a
period of unemployment (which was in no way her fault) and dealing with a lot of
s**t in the industry she works in.
However, this new job means that the amount of sex we have has fallen off a cliff. This is the first time in over four months that we haven’t had sex at least every other day.
I am potentially being dramatic, but I can feel my body missing her.
I’d got used to anchoring my feelings and where our relationship was, at least in some small way, on how much sex we would have. Those loving moments afterwards, the sweet nothings whispered in ears…
In reality this now happens over the phone and hasn’t gone anywhere. When we see each other it’s somehow even more special, but I can’t help wanting her even more now she’s busy.
Thursday
FINALLY.
After a genuinely gruelling three days she’s back in my bed.
We speak coyly to each other about our day, about her new job and how I’m
looking forward to my last day at work. The whole time our hands have started
what our minds haven’t quite caught up with yet.
Before you know it we’re having sex. It is passionate, full of love and well needed.
We look into each other’s eyes and acknowledge that we needed this. Afterwards we also acknowledge that we are f**king silly and it doesn’t matter whether we see each other every day or once a week, we are perfectly happy.
Friday
This morning she has to leave very early (her work includes VERY long days).
I cuddle her and try to get her to notice that I don’t mind how early it is, we should probably do something before she has to leave.
However her style is very much wake up 20 minutes before having to walk out of the door rather than luxuriating in the morning air before starting her day’s commute.
So, due to a lack of time, I am roundly told to forget about it.
As heartbroken as I obviously am, I do remind myself I am literally seeing her the very next day.
Saturday
The plan: Meet at her house, quick shag before her housemate and other friend
come over, then on to a birthday party at a pub near hers.
The reality: I get to hers, she’s working late, her housemate arrives first, my girlfriend then arrives about 20 minutes before her other friend turns up and there’s no time or privacy for pre-party shagging.
I had been thinking about her all day and even though I never EVER expect anything sexually, I can’t help but feel ever so slightly deflated.
Especially knowing that the friend that has come over for this party will be staying with my girlfriend in her bed (having made the trip from Bristol to London), so I am relegated to the sofa for the evening.
It takes me exactly one second to get over this once I see her though.
Sunday
We are hungover. Seriously hungover.
A trip out until 4am involving lots of alcohol may have led this sorry little loser to being a little bit of a d**khead.
I wake up on the sofa, tired and disorientated to a well-deserved telling off. Nothing dramatic or life-changing, but just my wonderful perfect partner expressing to me exactly how I had let her down.
We make up and spend the day together. It’s about five o’clock when we are finally left alone and we can’t stop ourselves. We go straight to her room and start having make up sex.
I finish quickly (probably due to not having had sex and spending the previous
day thinking about it) and she asks if I could help her finish.
Now I usually like to make sure she is satisfied in this way during sex, but this is the first time she has asked me to carry on afterwards to get her there. It is intimate and sexy and we use a toy that she has in her drawer.
Afterwards we are so excited we immediately start again and both finish this time.
We go upstairs to eat and watch telly before returning to the bedroom about an hour later. Again that passion and energy is present and we finish at the same time with her using her toy while we are doing it.
We lie together for a while and I realise it’s time for me to go. It’s my first day of a
new job tomorrow.
It’s a bit annoying when life gets in the way of intimacy and being with your partner. But we are both so happy and proud of each other it doesn’t actually matter at all.
I get ready to go and accept that I won’t be having sex with her again until Tuesday, so not too long.
Monday
My first day of the new job goes brilliantly and I can’t wait to tell her all about it.
We text throughout the day and some suggestive things are said. We both say we wish we could see each other that day, that we miss each other and that we would do anything to be in each other’s arms. You know, the kind of sickly sweet stuff that if anyone saw you sending and receiving on your phone you’d have to move country and change your name out of embarrassment.
But we don’t care, we are fully head over heels. That night we video call but phone sex doesn’t feel right.
We are both super tired and maybe being away for a day doesn’t warrant that level of making up for lost time. Doesn’t mean I didn’t think about her later that evening on my own though…
Tuesday
We both go back to hers after work. We arrive at almost the same time and so
does her housemate.
Her and housemate are so close and it’s amazing, they really care for each other and she is rightly prioritised in order to not make her feel left out or like a spare part in her own space — I’d hate that.
However, as we chat to her through open bedroom doors, me and my girlfriend can feel our need to feel each other growing.
We had just taken a shower together that was for the most part PG but after some kissing and touching, we had certainly got the idea into our heads.
Well it starts as a cuddle.
We start to kiss and get closer to the moment, but she says we have no time. I say
I’ll be quick but she doesn’t believe me, so I say how about if I don’t finish. The idea excites us.
We start to have sex and she keeps reminding me I’m not allowed to cum and seeing her have this power over me really gets me going.
I tend to take the ‘dominant’ role if there is one but for the most part it is an equal and loving act.
However seeing her like this, on top of me telling me what I can and can’t do… I
feel like I would do anything for her, and I know that’s the truth.
We eventually stop and go upstairs. Later we go to bed and start having sex again. The orgasm I had felt like it was sent from the gods.
She was telling me I was finally allowed and that she wanted it and it was like we had a fun little secret the whole evening.
If not being able to have her every day means we are more playful, passionate and dedicated to each other on the days I can. I’ll take it.
The orgasm I had felt like it was sent from the gods.
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