If you’ve got a problem, Metro’s agony aunt Emily Clarkson is here to solve it (Picture: Getty Images/fStop)
Dear Em, how do I stop my mother-in-law buying my two-year-old stupid Christmas gift she doesn’t need?
It’s a rite of passage for grandparents to buy stupid, impractical, and incredibly annoying-for-the-parents presents for their grandchildren I’m afraid, so you might have to buckle up to an extent and accept that this Christmas might just be loud and plastic.
But given the cost of everything at the moment, and the fact that none of us here in London are space-rich, I think you’re within your rights to say: ‘I love you and I love that you want to spoil the kids, but I’d really appreciate it if you’d take a bit of direction this year.
‘They’re loving these characters and they need these products and we will undoubtedly have a breakdown if you show up with a violin’.
Dear Em, I’m single – and I’m sick of my coupled-up friends treating me like a second-class citizen.
‘People come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime.’
I think of this expression often when I find myself on different paths to those I thought I’d travel with forever. And while it doesn’t make the situation any less sad, it has enabled me to make some peace with the fact that life pulls you apart sometimes.
A problem shared is a problem halved with Em (Picture: Natasha Pszenicki)
For you, this might just be one of those times.
I have made one of my closest friends over the last year; we had babies two days apart and while I barely knew her before pregnancy (she was a friend of a friend), she has become one of the most important people in my life. She came in for a reason. I didn’t have anybody else at the same point of their lives as me and I was lonely.
As brilliant as my friends are, there have been times when I have really needed someone on the same path as me who just… gets it. And it sounds like that’s what you need right now too. And that doesn’t mean that you have to sack your coupled-up friends off forever, but I think it does mean you need to look elsewhere to have your cup filled.
It actually sounds as if you’re being undervalued by your friends at the moment (and if that’s the case and you want to, you could try to communicate that to them), but honestly, this isn’t how your friends should be making you feel at all, and I really think you need to start looking for people who make you feel first class and fabulous.
Ask Em Clarkson: Your questions answered
Em Clarkson is here to solve all your problems.
Well, sort of.
As Metro’s agony aunt the influencer, author and content creator (busy much?) is primed and ready to be a sympathetic ear, an oracle of wisdom or, quite simply, a stand-in for that girl in the nightclub bathroom you share your thoughts and dreams with while waiting in line.
While she stresses she’s no alternative for therapy, Em is keen to talk through any quandary.
I want to divorce my husband – but how do I tell him?
‘My friend never wants to see me now she’s a new mum. I feel so rejected…’
‘How do I stop my son’s dad from plastering his face online?’
‘Men have it so tough these days – women have made chivalry impossible’
‘My boyfriend is the best man at a wedding, but I wasn’t invited. He’s still going…’
‘My dad’s cheating on my mum – but she’s desperate to win him back’
‘My partner makes more than me – but refuses to pay more of our bills’
‘I’m 17, he’s 31… Am I too young to tell him I have feelings for him?’
‘Do I tell my new partner I’m a 30-year-old virgin?’
‘My fiancé is not attracted to me – how do I get past this?’
‘My friend has an unhealthy obsession with her partner. Can I tell her?’
I actually believe that societally, it’s high time we started to think a little more practically about our platonic relationships and what we need from them. Because yes, you can love your friends but also know that you just need so much more than they have to give. And if that’s the case you need to get out there and find the MORE.
Life is long and your paths may well come back together at some point, I hope that they do. But for right now you have to prioritise forging your own path and being in spaces that make you feel really good.
Dear Em, my husband wants a second child – I don’t
I am really sorry for you both because this is just a painful situation. Of course, you are absolutely within your rights to say that you don’t want a second child, as you well know, it is the most enormous commitment that comes with huge sacrifices on your part. Sacrifices that perhaps your partner doesn’t fully understand the extent of, or maybe can’t see right now through their own disappointment.
Want to ask Em Clarkson a question?
With nearly 300,000 followers on Instagram and a reputation as one of the more honest influencers out there, Em is often asked for advice in her DMs. Now, she wants to do the same in Metro, as our newest columnist.
No topic is off limits. So if you’ve a question for her agony aunt series, email [email protected].
Ultimately it is your decision, and if you don’t want another child, no one can make you have one. But I suppose what you need to accept is that this is something your husband is going to need to grieve; if he had a dream and a vision for your family and future that he’s now realising aren’t going to become a reality, he is going to need to navigate his way through that disappointment.
And I think you might need to prepare yourself for the fact that a big part of that, rightly or wrongly, might just look like resentment. And for the most part, that will probably be directed at you, for taking away the possibility of the life he dreamt of. And I don’t think that will last forever, nor do I think it’s something that his rational mind probably wants him to feel.
At the end of the day, your partner loves you and I’m sure would never want to put you in a position physically or mentally that you didn’t want to be in. But his own grief might overshadow that right now. And the only way through this is to communicate. He needs to understand you entirely, and you him.
Somehow you need to find your way to the same page, even if you still hope for different endings.
‘She doesn’t need them.’
