Woman won’t let her boyfriend move in – and maybe she’s right (picture: Getty)
Moving in with each other is a big milestone in any relationship. After all, you’re together all the time and you don’t truly have a space of your own.
Some couples are ready to co-habit sooner than others but things can get really tricky when one person wants to move in together and the other doesn’t.
Not being on the same page can result in some pretty hurt feelings and for one woman, 30, and her boyfriend 32 – that’s exactly what happened.
The couple have been dating for five months and she purchased her new home in February, however her boyfriend is keen to move in and, well, she’s not ready yet.
She took to Reddit to ask for advice after a colleague labelled her an ‘a**hole’ for not being ready to take the plunge.
The young woman wrote: ‘My boyfriend rents a room from his friend who owns a townhouse. His friend travels a lot for work and is hardly ever home. Maybe one week out of the month or so.
‘My boyfriend pays £630-a-month, which includes utilities. It’s a nice place and my boyfriend makes good money as well, probably around £60-70k.’
She feels five months is too soon and it could spell the end of their relationship (Picture: Getty Images/PhotoAlto)
The issue of living together arose when her boyfriend’s friend wanted to sell his home to move in with his girlfriend, leaving him with nowhere to go.
She added: ‘He told my boyfriend this, who then came over one night and sort of sprung all of it on me and told me that he should move in with me.
‘I was really shocked as we have only been dating for five months and I really don’t think that is long enough time for me to think about letting him move in.
‘I tried talking about it with him and told him I needed some time to think it over. He was visibly annoyed, but let it go.’
Her boyfriend needs to be out of the house by the end of October and texted to ask if he could move in with her ‘short term’ because he didn’t have enough time to find an apartment.
When the couple then spoke that night she said: ‘He was ranting and begging me to let him move in. He spoke about how he didn’t make enough money to get an apartment, and that it would just be less stressful for him to move in with me.
‘That if he could help pay half than it would be good for me too. I shut down that idea and told him we have not been together long enough for me to want to take that step. He got upset and called me heartless, and then left.’
Does he want to move in with her because he loves her or because he needs somewhere to live (picture: Getty Images)
The girlfriend makes about £63,000 per year and her mortgage is £1,183 per month so she doesn’t feel she needs the financial aid.
Despite apologising, her boyfriend still asked her to consider it for a few more days.
Confiding in a colleague about the situation the original poster was shocked to find that he thought she should let her boyfriend move in.
She added: ‘I was really shocked, but my co-worker kept going, saying that in this economy people can’t afford to live by themselves and that five months is long enough to move in together. I didn’t say anything, just remained quiet.’
But in a twist, it turns out the poster’s boyfriend lied about his financial situation and has lots of debt but she isn’t willing to move in just to support him – and is now considering breaking up with him.
She said: ‘I cannot tell if my boyfriend wants to make this relationship work because he cares about us, or if he just sees an easy option for his financial problems.’
Callisto Adams, a dating and relationships expert, tells Metro.co.uk that while there is no ‘right time’ to move with a partner, there is definitely a wrong time: ‘If you have no clue of what you’re getting yourself into, then it is too soon.’
To know you’re ready to move in with someone, Callisto says you should ‘feel excitement’ when you think of ‘sharing a space with your partner’.
‘If it feels forced, and the fear is just too much to bear, then you’re not ready,’ she adds.
You should also make sure you have discussed your finances and make sure you know ‘who is able to cover what in the relationship when living together,’ establishing financial boundaries early on.
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‘He called me heartless.’