I’ve gone from thinking it’s deeply cringeworthy to the most natural thing in the world (Picture: Debbie Stowe)
Is there anything more embarrassing for children?
Your mum kissing you goodbye at the school gate in front of your friends. That mortifying rhyme accusing you and the boy you like sitting in a tree – K-I-S-S-I-N-G.
That’s how it was through my eyes as a child. I was adamant when I became a mum that I would never make my children go through it.
But now, I pucker up with my own kids, Ollie and Alex, aged six and seven, as often as they’ll let me. I’ve gone from thinking it’s deeply cringeworthy to the most natural thing in the world.
I’m a lip-kisser. Sure, I’ll occasionally land one on the forehead, and I’ll take a cheek if it’s going. But generally, I’m going to plant one on their mouths.
And lip kissing – like so much about today’s parenting styles – is controversial. That was what Tom Leeds, a popular TikToker, discovered after posting a seemingly innocuous video about the colour of his son’s eyes.
The video, just 43 seconds long, has attracted over 1,000 comments, mostly about a throwaway kiss on the lips between father and son.
Plenty of the commenters weren’t happy.
Tom was accused of a range of parenting misdemeanours from increasing his son’s risk of dental problems to confusing him over matters of sexuality and even leaving him vulnerable to strangers with bad intentions.
A simple mouth-to-mouth kiss is such a pure, universally understood gesture of love and bonding (Picture: Debbie Stowe)
Before my elder son was born, I might have agreed it was an odd thing to do. While, as an only child, I did not lack physical affection growing up, in my house, we didn’t lip kiss.
I’m not sure if my lips had ever touched those of another human being before my first teenage snog.
I started off the same: I loved every inch of my gorgeous newborn – but it didn’t occur to me to kiss him on the lips.
Then, one day, family friends came to see Alex for the first time, and the oldest member of the group instinctively swept him into her arms and planted a smacker bang on his mouth.
I was taken aback. We just didn’t do things like that in our house. But then I asked myself – why not?
So I gave it a go, and it didn’t feel as bizarre as I thought it would. It just felt normal; another way of me showing affection to my child.
Tom was accused of confusing his son as to what is physically appropriate. But there is a clear difference between kissing your child and a romantic or sexual kiss. This isn’t snogging or smooching we’re talking about.
I adore my children, and I’d lay down my life for them – so how can it be ‘inappropriate’ to give them a peck?
I think these views come from our culture being so mixed up when it comes to aspects of the human body – not least the judgement around parenting.
Too often, if a mum tries to feed her baby in public or continues to breastfeed longer than the norm, she’s ‘grossing out’ passersby, corrupting local children or giving her kid a breast obsession.
Like breastfeeding, kissing your kids on the lips is not sexual. It’s a wholesome and natural expression of love.
Parenting today feels like a minefield of mistakes: returning to work or staying home, screentime, food, negotiating risk, sibling dynamics, activities, friends – I know I’m not the only one who feels like I slip up every day.
But while you can debate the finer points of parenting styles all day, the most essential thing is that children feel the strength of their parents’ love.
And yes, we caregivers express love in different ways – time spent playing, listening to their stories, rocking them to sleep, wiping bums, slicing sandwiches into fun shapes, working to provide – the list is truly endless.
But a simple mouth-to-mouth kiss is such a pure, universally understood gesture of love and bonding – I can’t understand why anyone would think it’s inappropriate for me to connect with my child in that way.
I understand the hygiene argument slightly more, we’re certainly acutely aware of spreading germs post-Covid.
But ask anyone raising a young child – with feeding, dressing, bathing, hugging, the two of you are breathing all over each other and living in the same space anyway.
A peck hardly seems like a huge increase in bacterial risk.
My sons are six and seven – which is strange because it seems to me that they were only born a few months ago.
Already I’m ’embarrassing’ and ‘annoying’ to them. The younger one still loves kissing me, but the older one doesn’t always want to, which, of course, I respect – I wouldn’t foist physical affection on an unwilling child.
We get such a short window to have and hold them close, and I want to make the most of it.
It doesn’t matter to me if friends, family, onlookers, or evenTikTok trolls think it’s weird for a parent to kiss their child on the lips – society judges mums harshly whatever we do, so that’s nothing new.
While those little lips are willing to receive mine, I will continue to express my love for my sons in the most natural way I know how.
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I can’t understand why anyone would think it’s inappropriate for me to connect with my child in that way.