Caption: A trans man who thought he was infertile got pregnant after a “Grindr one-night stand”
(Picture: SWNS)
‘All I could do was stare at the test. It totally blindsided me,’ said Ash Patrick Schade, 30, who is a trans man.
Ash was born biologically female but began transitioning in 2018 to live as a man, and had thought he was infertile.
But after a ‘Grindr one-night stand’ with a man he met online in January 2020, he fell pregnant.
Prior to his transition, Ash had spent years feeling like he was ‘in the wrong body’, but when he fell pregnant he said he suffered extreme transphobia while he carried his daughter to term.
Strangers would tell their kids ‘don’t stare’ when they saw Ash and the dad-of-one also suffered ‘horrible’ gender dysphoria.
But he said the struggles were ‘worth it’ after giving birth to daughter, Ronan, now two, on October 15, 2020.
Ash Patrick Schade with daughter, Ronan, now two (Picture: Ash Patrick Schade / SWNS)
Ash had previously been married to a man, with whom he tied the knot with in 2014, and the couple had tried for a child – but had been told that Ash was infertile.
Ash said they spent ‘a few thousand dollars’ on specialist fertility treatments over several years and eventually gave up trying – concluding he was infertile.
But Ash’s mental health began to deteriorate as he realised he was born the wrong gender – and after telling his then-husband, he began to take testosterone in 2019.
He said: ‘I had known my gender for a long time but I didn’t want to lose my spouse so I felt I couldn’t get help.
‘Eventually it became inevitable – I didn’t want to live with suicidal ideation from living in the wrong body anymore.’
By early 2020, Ash and his husband had separated but were still living together as he continued to undergo his transition.
It was during this time that the trauma led him to share his feelings with his social media friends, including old high school classmates.
Ash suffered extreme transphobia during pregnancy (Picture: Ash Patrick Schade / SWNS)
So when one of them he hadn’t seen for years then popped up on his Grindr profile, he decided he had nothing to lose and hooked up with them for a night.
Ash had been unable to get pregnant with his former spouse and had been told the testosterone would make him infertile too – so he thought nothing of a casual hook-up with the old acquaintance.
But after spending the evening with his date in January 2020, Ash started feeling particularly emotional – and hungry – and decided to take a pregnancy test.
He was stunned when it was positive.
The biological father chose not to be involved as he is not ‘out’ as a member of the LGBTQ+ community, Ash claims.
Ash said: ‘In the moment I was like “am I dreaming?”, it just seemed so surreal.’
Ash decided he would carry his ‘miracle’ to term. He is now married to husband Jordan Schade, 29, a stay-at-home dad – who he met while three months pregnant.
They are raising Ronan together and Ash describes his daughter as his ‘little miracle.’
Ash Patrick Schade whilst pregnant (Picture: Ash Patrick Schade / SWNS)
Ash, a mental health worker and PhD student, from Huntington, West Virginia, US, said: ‘This was never what I anticipated, but I love my tiny family.
‘I gave up on my dreams of being a parent, then lo and behold, this kid comes out of nowhere.
‘It was complicated and uncomfortable to carry a baby while transitioning and the dysphoria was horrible – I wouldn’t wish it on anyone.
‘But now my daughter is the light of my life, and it was all worth it for my family.’
Ash went through a divorce from his previous partner while pregnant but said: ‘All I could think about was my baby.’
He said he faced transphobic slurs every day from members of the public – to the point he was eventually ‘numb to it’.
Ash said: ‘That’s what a father should do – make a sacrifice to be there for his child, even if it damages his perceived manhood.’
It was a psychological struggle for him too – facing intense gender dysphoria.
Ash said: ‘It was complicated and uncomfortable to carry while transitioning, it hurt.
Ash suffered ‘horrible’ gender dysphoria but says the struggles were ‘worth it’ after giving birth to daughter Ronan (Picture: Ash Patrick Schade / SWNS)
‘The dysphoria was horrible. I wouldn’t wish it on anyone.’
But he described how he was forced to ‘put blinders on’ and focus on having a safe and healthy pregnancy.
He said: ‘I didn’t go out much anyway because it was during Covid. When I did, with each encounter, all I thought was “do they have a weapon?” and if not, I tuned them out.’
But it was clearly all worth it because Ash said that Ronan is ‘the happiest little kid ever’.
He said: ‘She’s climbing on things and laughing hysterically – she runs to the door and says “my daddy” when I come home from work.
‘She wants to curl up on our chests at night and whenever we have guests, she likes to dance for them in her little dress and boots.’
Ronan hasn’t reached an age yet where Ash and Jordan need to start explaining things to her, but they will do one day.
Ash Patrick Schade’s daughter, Ronan (Picture: Ash Patrick Schade / SWNS)
Ash said: ‘Right now I’m letting her enjoy her innocence, but when she starts asking questions we’ll explain it in an age-appropriate way.’
While Ash said he’s unlikely to carry another child himself, the couple may look at adoption in the future.
Ash said: ‘I do have pretty chronic PTSD from dealing with some traumas in my life, but I just focused on making sure Ronan was happy and healthy.
‘She makes my world go round and I’m really sorry that when some people hear a story, they see nothing but ugliness or an agenda.
‘We’re just human beings and parents doing our damnedest with what we have. All we have to give is love.’
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