Users claim this is one versatile toy (Picture: Mystery Vibe)
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Here at Metro, we’re a sucker for a sexual innuendo or a Carry On style double entendre. But when discussing the perks of a sex toy, it just feels a little on the nose. So we’ll keep it clean and just say that this new vibrator has got us totally buzzing and it’s certainly gonna fill a few gaps in the market.
Wahey.
Sex toy The Crescendo 2 (which kinda sounds like a Playstation game our boyfriend would ignore us to play for hours) claims to be the first ever vibrator that’s designed to mimic your fingers and adapt to your unique body, thus creating your own personalised pleasure.
What a time to be alive, ey? Technology is getting so good that pretty soon we’ll all just be hooked up to machines and getting pleasure and pizza through an IV. *daydreams in lazy*
The toy, from brand MysteryVibe, claims to bend in a way that aims to hit those pleasure points like never before.
If this vibrator learns to leave their dirty washing on the bedroom floor and wet towels in the bathroom then our boyfriends will officially have no purpose.
Not only is this toy super savvy at knowing how to please you, according to reviews we’ve come across, it’s also ‘doctor-recommended’, according to the brand’s website.
It sure is bendy (Picture: Mystery Vibe)
The brand claims the toy ‘mimics’ fingers (Picture: Mystery Vibe)
Imagine being prescribed a vibrator from your doctor? ‘The treatment for your issues is frequent masturbation,’ we imagine they’d say. Which would make a nice change from our doctor just telling us to either lose weight or get outside in the fresh air.
Doing some sleuthing, it’s reported this product took four years of research to develop and it has six motors and 16 power settings.
The gender-neutral toy is designed to be used solo or with a partner (Picture: Mystery Vibe)
It’s award-winning and, should the reviews be a reflection of its power, could get you experiencing an eye-rolling orgasm so good, you may lose a contact lens.
If you’re not a frequent self-pleaser, get exploring. Masturbation is good for the body and the soul.
One employer even started offering their employees masturbation breaks at work. Which may feel a bit awks at times. What would you rather Barry in marketing assumed you were doing when you popped to the loo?
And if you’re a little unsure how to double-click your own mouse, pitch your pink tent or Oscar slap your Chris Rock, the Crescendo 2 could offer a helping hand, as it was apparently designed with women in mind.
In fact, in a study the brand sponsored, conducted by Dr. Jesús E. Rodríguez of the Murcian Institute of Sexology and The Comprehensive Center for Gynecology and Obstetrics, the Crescendo Therapy System was found to significantly improve pelvic pain and discomfort in women suffering from sexual health issues like genito-pelvic pain and penetration disorder, menopausal symptoms, and vaginal atrophy.
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The slim design also makes it ideal for venturing into a little anal play. Ok, we know it’s not for everyone. ‘Why squeeze through the cat flap when you can enter through the front door,’ you may ask. Still, while we’re here, here’s some insight we put together on that particular area of play earlier, because knowledge is power.
Ohhh and we haven’t even mentioned one of the best parts. You can totes sync this vibrator to your phone and control it through an app.
Imagine that. You can bag a clothing discount, order a takeout, and turn on some pulsating pleasure. All with the click of a button.
Read up on MysteryVibe’s Crescendo 2 here.
Self-love has *ahem* come a long way.
