Someone on the internet (unpromising start but stay with me) harvests clips of football managers, the odd actor and for some reason always Dion Dublin delivering classic football lines. The mystery man edits them into montages so funny they will make you snort out your tea.
One of my favourites is called This is the Premier League We’re Talking About. As we zip down through (nearly) all the teams in the league, it quickly becomes obvious that it is actually Manchester United We’re Talking About Here.
Then halfway through the video, it dawns on you. Every pundit, player, coach, everybody involved in the game of football says ‘This is Manchester United we’re talking about’ in exactly the same way.
The cadence is identical, there’s no other way of delivering the line. It’s a song without any need for lyrical complexity because the context is ingrained so deeply in the emotion of the delivery. This includes yearning, pain, grandeur, quite a high level of fear, dismay and if – you are connected to the club – a sprinkling of rage.
If you’re my age, you’ve suffered through the playground era of Ferguson’s United winning everything.
It has now been more than a decade since United were a dominant force and they are currently searching for their sixth permanent manager since Sir Alex. Include all the stopgaps and Ralf Rangnick and the next guy will be the tenth to run Manchester United’s football product in 11 years.
Last time you and I spoke it was about the impossible job: boss of the England men’s team. Erik ten Hag’s departure means we’ve got another one to consider – Manchester United manager. Ten Hag got marginally less time than Jose Mourinho and around six months more than Louis van Gaal.
He delivered two trophies. He pissed a lot of people off, including Cristiano Ronaldo and Jadon Sancho. He denied that Tottenham defeat really counted because of the red card. His minder pushed Sky reporter Gary Cotterill. He survived an ownership transition at the club and a whole load of rumours. His beard retained its integrity throughout.
Managing United has become so hard perhaps because, despite the decade of dallying and despite the absurd dominance of the other Manchester club in the modern era, per Bryan Gunn’s internet montages, Manchester United is the Premier League.
Eras get easily lost in football discourse, history is vulnerable from all sides, but the magnitude of what the club achieved in that 20 years when the Premier League made English football a truly global export is untouchable.
And it delivered a fan land-grab, a ‘first-mover advantage’ in business speak, on which everything in the top division of English football has rested.
United supporters have been used to railing against the Glazer family’s (mis)-management of their club and, like many football fans, they were uncritically charmed by the billionaire status of co-chair Sir Jim Ratcliffe when he arrived.
My initial belief was that Ten Hag should stay in the role for consistency but the subsequent dithering was neither one thing or the other and it’s been damaging.
Just because Manchester United still are the biggest club in the world, it doesn’t mean this status lasts forever and the pending appointment of Ruben Amorim is the most critical since that of Sir Alex.
Amorim has achieved much, picked his way through Covid and built from an extremely low point (fans beating up their own players in 2018) at Sporting.
There is no evidence that he can manage what is in effect a team of little brands at United but recruitment brains I trust state it’s best to hire on trajectory and potential rather than perfect proof.
But the most important cause for optimism is that a decision has finally been made by United’s board.
A brilliant thinker on living meaningful lives, Oliver Burkeman explains that sometimes the best way to overcome procrastination is to pick a decision, any decision and make it. What keeps us frozen, he says, is our desire not to feel fully committed.
I’m convinced an Ineos adviser is reading his latest book. The question now they’re unstuck is whether a plan will come to light, and if Manchester United fans can trust it.
