A therapist has shared the one thing everyone should do after a breakup (Picture: Getty Images)
When your heart has been yanked from your chest, shredded to smithereens and stomped on by some hefty Dr Martens, it can be tempting to try and piece yourself back together by slating your ex.
Fury can be a pretty powerful motivator and you might find yourself daydreaming about revenge, or compiling lists of all their faults and the many red flags you missed while dating.
But, according to a therapist, this would be a mistake.
Instead there’s something more beneficial she believes everyone should do following a breakup — but like anything worth doing, it’s not the easiest of tasks to complete.
Kendra Capalbo, a licensed couples therapist and the founder of Concierge Couples Counselling, told Metro.co.uk: ‘Although experiencing a breakup is undoubtedly an emotional challenge, it can also catalyse personal development and growth.
‘In the aftermath of a breakup, everyone must embark on a mindful and deliberate self-reflection period. This involves taking the time to sit down and deeply contemplate the lessons learned from the relationship — understanding your desires and non-negotiables in future relationships and recognising areas that require personal growth before moving forward.’
Kendra went on to explain that it’s natural to spend time focusing on your ex’s flaws as a coping mechanism to deal with the heartache, but says it’s ‘crucial’ to remember that none of us are ‘flawless’ (sorry Beyoncé) and there’s room for a little personal development.
‘Even if the ended relationship was not the right one, it can be a stepping stone that prepares you for the right one,’ she continues.
‘Embracing the profound insights gained from this experience can lead to an empowered and enriched approach to future relationships, ensuring that one is better equipped to foster a healthy and fulfilling connection in the coming days.’
It won’t be easy to get over your heartbreak (Picture: Getty Images/Tetra images RF)
Recently, there’s been an influx of talk online about having the ‘perfect’ breakup, with some now insisting there’s a ‘right’ and ‘wrong’ way to handle your heartbreak and of course the ‘right’ way involves parting with your hard-earned cash.
Yep, as if being in your feels hasn’t already cost you enough, you can now buy yourself some extreme emotional TLC after a split and hire a personal heartbreak coach to help speed you through the difficult time. Kourtney Kardashian has notably worked with @clairetheheartbreakcoach on her wellness platform Poosh.
Or if group activities are more your style, you could always check into The Heartbreak Hotel for a four-day retreat on a farm in Bakewell, Derbyshire, that’ll set you back £2,950. And for those in the US there’s also a popular breakup bootcamp that takes ‘a scientific and spiritual approach to healing the heart’, with prices starting from $2,495 (£1,987).
There are even now heartbreak influencers taking over TikTok feeds, with the likes of @bridgettevong amassing thousands of followers while sharing the story of her ‘healing girl era’.
But before you get sucked into all of that, it’s important to remember that this idea of a ‘perfect’ breakup will look different for each of us, and as we all know nothing’s ever quite as perfect as it seems.
Plus, who are we kidding, most of us just don’t have the money to splurge on this sort of thing and, at the end of the day, even if we could afford it there’s no hard and fast fix for this.
Instead it all comes down to time, which as the mastermind herself, Taylor Swift, once said, ‘can heal most anything’.
So getting back to the professional advice…
Instead of striving for an impossibly perfect end to your relationship, Kendra shared some good old-fashioned tips for how to try and have what she calls an ‘ideal breakup’ and it involves — you guessed it — TIME.
According to the pro, an ideal breakup would involve both individuals being able to openly and honestly discuss why they didn’t work out and achieving a level of understanding that would allow them to remain friends even after calling it quits.
Although she’s quick to stress that having a breakup like this isn’t always achievable for everyone.
She explains: ‘The ability to communicate from the heart, even if the message is challenging, as long as it comes from a place of being constructive, is the most valuable gift we can offer each other during a breakup.
‘Utilising this information to improve ourselves and our behaviours in future relationships is crucial. Who better than an emotionally intelligent ex who genuinely cares about you to help you recognise areas where personal growth is needed, even if you both realise you are no longer compatible as a couple?
‘Couples who can achieve this level of understanding may be able to maintain a friendship after a breakup, which, in my opinion, is the ultimate indication of an ideal breakup.’
Kendra adds: ‘It’s important to note that the conversation I’m proposing may not happen immediately — it may require some space first to allow emotions to settle before returning to have an honest discussion.
‘Furthermore, it takes two emotionally intelligent individuals to realise this, so it may not be feasible for most couples. However, this is how I envision an ideal breakup.’
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