St. Patrick’s Day is here! (Picture: Getty Images)
It’s time to deck yourself out in green and crack open a Guinness or two – it’s St Patrick’s Day 2023!
St Patrick’s Day honours the patron saint of Ireland, St Patrick, who was instrumental in transitioning Ireland away from Paganism towards Christianity.
Typically, the occasion is celebrated in countries all around the globe, with a range of parades, parties and music festivals.
So while you’re kissing your blarney stone or looking for a four-leaf clover, here’s a round-up of jokes, puns and more to help celebrate the day.
Funniest St Patrick’s Day Jokes
The Irish are renowned for their witty storytelling and jokes, often involving characters called Paddy. Here, we’ve got some of our favourite jokes for St Patrick’s Day:
What does a leprechaun keep outside his house? His Paddy-o furniture.
Get ‘Paddy’ and ‘leprechaun’ into the same joke (Picture: Getty)
Billy stops Paddy in Dublin and asks for the quickest way to Cork.
Paddy says: ‘Are you on foot or in the car?’
Billy replies: ‘In the car.’
‘Yeah, that’s the quickest way,’ says Paddy.
Liam had left Dublin to go up to Belfast for a bit of skydiving.
Late Sunday evening he was found in a tree by a farmer.
‘What happened?’ said the farmer.
Liam explained that his parachute failed to open.
‘Well,’ said the farmer ‘If you had asked the locals before you jumped, they would have told you nothing opens around here on a Sunday.’
The barman says to Paddy ‘Your glass is empty, fancy another one?’
Looking around puzzled, Paddy says ‘Why would I be needing two empty glasses?’
Best St Patrick’s Day Instagram captions
Celebrate at home with dedicated St Patrick’s events… or just indulge in some Guinness (Picture: Getty)
Ready to Shamrock and roll.
Irish you were here…
They think it’s all clover – it is now.
I’m not Irish, but my coffee is.
We’ve reached the pint of no return.
The paddy don’t start ’til I walk in.
Zero lucks given.
St Patrick’s Day quotes and sayings
‘St. Patrick’s Day is an enchanted time — a day to begin transforming winter’s dreams into summer’s magic.’ – Adrienne Cook
‘May the roof above us never fall in. And may the friends fathered below it never fall out.’ – Irish blessing
‘You can take a man of Ireland, but you can’t take out the Irishness of the man.’ – Tyson Fury
‘A wish that every day for you will be happy from the start and may you always have good luck and a song within your heart.’ – Irish blessing
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‘May your blessings outnumber the shamrocks that grow. And may trouble avoid you wherever you go.’ – Irish blessing
‘For the whole world is Irish on the Seventeenth o’ March!’ – Thomas Augustine Daly
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‘Being Irish is very much a part of who I am. I take it everywhere with me.’ – Colin Farrell
‘Ireland is a land of poets and legends, of dreamers and rebels.’ – Nora Roberts
Or you could say a pray for St Patrick’ Day (Picture: Getty)
St Patrick’s Day prayer
‘May the road rise up to meet you.
May the wind be always at your back.
May the sun shine warm upon your face;
the rains fall soft upon your fields
and until we meet again,
may God hold you in the palm of His hand’
MORE : The best St Patrick’s Day gifts you can give
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Get ready to Shamrock and roll.