Friendships change once you hit your 30s (Picture: Getty Images)
‘I will never be planning a birthday party for anyone ever again,’ a woman sobbed in an emotional TikTok video that’s been watched by almost three million people.
Danielle Vizcarra went viral over the weekend after posting a clip of her ‘venting’ her upset over failed plans for her boyfriend’s upcoming 30th.
The 26-year-old explained that she’d organised an epic birthday bash for her partner, inviting 20 of his friends to the big day, only for every single one of them to turn down the invitation, leaving her devastated and in tears.
And while some were quick to mock her, even going as far as to brand the TikTok video a ‘red flag’, others sympathised and confessed they’d experienced similar disappointment with friends as they hit the big 3-0.
But it seems this goes a lot deeper than just no-shows at birthday parties and there’s actually a bigger issue here, which we will be dubbing the ’30s friendship flop’.
We asked readers about the state of their friendships after turning 30 and many claimed to have experienced a ‘shift’ (or ‘flop’) around the time of their milestone birthday.
Bilawal Gul told Metro.co.uk: ‘When I turned 30 I saw significant changes in my friendships. Most of my old friendships faded away as life got busier.
‘On my 30th birthday last year, only one of 10 close friends showed up and it kind of hurt.’
Similarly, Samantha Odo says certain friendship dynamics changed after her 30th.
She said: ‘Hitting the big 3-0 was quite the milestone for me. Funny enough, I did notice a bit of a shift in my friendships around that time. It wasn’t like a dramatic flop, but there was this subtle change in dynamics.
‘I guess the days of spontaneous hangouts became more of a planned event. It’s not that my friends weren’t awesome anymore, it’s just that adulting hit us all, and we had to juggle more responsibilities.
‘Speaking of my 30th birthday party, I gotta say, it was a little different from parties in my 20s. Some of the people I was expecting to be there couldn’t make it because of work or family commitments. It wasn’t a huge crowd, but the people who made it were amazing.’
As such her circle of friends has changed as she’s gotten older and she is now ‘more selective’ about where she ‘invests time and energy’.
‘It’s not personal, a rejection, or a lack of caring, it’s just life moving us in different directions,’ she explained.
According to experts, she’s right and this phenomenon is something we can all expect to experience as we approach 30, as it’s just a natural part of getting older. Yay!
The milestone birthday is a turning point (Picture: Getty Images)
As clinical psychologist Daniel Glazer puts it, carefree bonding over happy hour drinks and impromptu adventures with friends is ‘perfect’ for your 20s when you’re in a phase of self-discovery and freedom, but your priorities ‘reshuffle’ in your 30s.
This is because at this age other responsibilities start to snowball and finding the time and mental resources to maintain friendships gets ‘trickier’.
He claims that instead of having a huge group of friends, your circle may become smaller as you’ll gravitate to those who are ‘unpacking similar demands’ to you, whether that be in terms of your career or marriage and children.
Jessica Alderson, co-founder and relationship expert at dating app So Syncd, believes there are a few other reasons why we may see friendships flop in our 30s – including changing interests, as well as an increase in self-confidence.
She told Metro: ‘As people grow older, their values and interests can change, leading to a natural drift between friends who no longer have as much in common. You tend to be more clear about what you want in your 30s, and this may mean that you have less motivation to spend time with friends who don’t align with your values or goals.
‘On top of all of this, it’s common for people to feel more comfortable with themselves in their 30s. This can lead to less of a need for social validation, which you can get from maintaining a large group of friends. Instead of feeling a sense of FOMO and constantly trying to please others, people at 30 are more likely to feel content with a smaller circle of close friends.’
But there is some good news! Not all of your friends will one day become strangers and you can take comfort in knowing the ones who do make it through the ‘rollercoaster’ of turning 30 are in it for the long haul.
‘Friendships at 30 aren’t sinking ships; they’re just sailing through stormy seas,’ reassures Peridot Coaching’s empowerment mentor, Kirsty Parsons.
‘The ones that weather the chaos, where you can pick up the phone after months of radio silence, those are the keepers. They’re the buddies who embrace the messiness of life without judgment.
‘So, in the midst of life’s crazy twists and turns, there’s a positive spin. Friendships that survive the rollercoaster become your anchors — people who get the real you, no matter where life takes you. It’s not about the flops; it’s about finding those ride-or-die friends who stick with you through the whirlwind of your 30s and beyond.’
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