What would you do? (Picture: Getty / Metro.co.uk)
Affairs begin for all manner of reasons, but they don’t always end as you’d expect.
This week, we hear from a reader who sought comfort in the arms of a younger woman when his confidence was knocked after a work set-back. The problem? She’s now pregnant and wants him to leave his wife of 18 years.
Below, he gets some advice, but before you go read last week’s dilemma, where a reader thought he was straight until he slept with his best mate.
The problem…
I’m 48 and recently got passed over for promotion, which left me feeling depressed. My wife was very sweet about it, although I know she worries about money and was hoping I’d get a pay rise. We have two children under ten, so I know I’ll have to support them for a good while yet and the thought is always on my mind.
It must have looked obvious that I was feeling down, because a younger girl at work suggested going out for a drink to cheer me up. I felt like I deserved it so agreed, and found her company funny and uplifting, which was just what I needed at the time.
She only comes in a couple of days a week as she works from home the rest of the time. I found myself really missing her on her wfh days and looking forward to her coming in. We started going out regularly on her office days, and when I confessed how much I missed her when she wasn’t there, she said she felt the same. She’s in her early thirties, so both of us are old enough to know better, but we soon started having a passionate affair.
She has now announced that she’s pregnant and wants me to leave my wife of 18 years. I never meant things to go this far and when I think about the reality of leaving my family, I feel sick.
Laura says…
Your lover was a great comfort to you at a time when your pride had taken a battering, but as a married man with a family, you must follow your instincts and stop the affair now.
Ending a relationship is never easy but the sooner you tell your girlfriend, the kinder it will be. Knowing she’ll have to cope as a single parent may affect how she proceeds, but the future of this pregnancy must be decided by her without any pressure from you.
If your lover is in her thirties and childless, she may well want to keep the baby, and you will of course be financially responsible for your child. You’ll also have to break it to your wife, who needs to hear it from you before she finds out some other way.
This news will be devastating, but my bet is that she won’t want to break up the family. I always think of the children (as I’m sure she will) and am generally reluctant to encourage divorce unless someone is repeatedly unfaithful or otherwise treats their partner badly.
In an ideal world, any new child of yours would be embraced by the rest of your family, but your wife may not readily agree to this. Talking everything over with a counsellor may help you both resolve the many issues here.
If your partner kicks you out, write to me again. Don’t dive straight into a full-time relationship with your lover; you need to get your head straight first, or you’ll cause more heartbreak in the future.
Laura is a counsellor and columnist.
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‘She wants me to leave my wife of 18 years. I feel sick.’