Emily Clarkson is answering matters of matrimony this week (Picture: Getty)
Metro’s agony aunt Em Clarkson is here to solve all your problems – this week she tackles wedding party etiquette, and how to navigate imposter syndrome and thinking everyone is doing *so* much better at life.
Dear Em, my maid of honour is getting married and I’m not in the wedding party. I’m really upset as she’s just breezed past it – should I say something?
I completely understand why you’re upset and I’m SO sorry for you because the lesser-spoken side of wedding season is the fact that it’s basically a grownup PE class complete with matching outfits which evokes that horrible and somewhat nostalgic anxiety of not getting picked.
And it’s even tougher when you’ve already had your turn and picked your team, and then you learn that the feelings aren’t entirely mutual. Honestly, I get it and I think to an extent we’re all living it.
I think first things first let’s accept that there are a million different reasons why someone might go in a different direction with their wedding party, and you don’t necessarily need to take their decision personally.
They might be having just family, or kids, or they might be budgeting so not doing traditional wedding parties. If that’s the case, it probably doesn’t have anything to do with you and I’d try to accept that this is where you’re at right now, that she was a great maid of honour to you, and you won’t regret the way the friendship was at that time and you’re happy to show up now in the capacity she requires of you.
But if you feel that she hasn’t chosen you because you don’t think she values your friendship in the way that you do, and you feel that your friendship will suffer without some acknowledgement of it, then yes. Say something. But manage your own expectations, because realistically you aren’t going to change the outcome of anything by talking to her.
From friendships to just, well, life, Metro’s agony aunt Em has you covered this week (Picture: Natasha Pszenicki)
Or at least not in the way you might want, because even if she did ask you to be involved as a result, you might feel as if you’ve won some sort of booby prize.
I hope for you that her reasoning is logistical and not personal, but I think either way you need to remember that although it feels huge and personal and horrible right now, it’s just a day, and it probably has nothing to do with you.
Dear Em, I feel like everyone is achieving more/doing better/can do more than me.
By accepting that some people can absolutely do more and better than you. And some people can’t. And none of that has anything to do with you.
I’m about to hit you with a butt-tonne of cliches but it sounds like you need them so here goes…
No one started in the same place as you did, and no one is going to the same place either, you are not racing and even if you were, your varying starting points would make it the most rigged and ridiculous race ever so no one would ‘win’ anyway.
Ask Em Clarkson: Your questions answered
Em Clarkson is here to solve all your problems.
Well, sort of.
As Metro’s agony aunt the influencer, author and content creator (busy much?) is primed and ready to be a sympathetic ear, an oracle of wisdom or, quite simply, a stand-in for that girl in the nightclub bathroom you share your thoughts and dreams with while waiting in line.
While she stresses she’s no alternative for therapy, Em is keen to talk through any quandary.
My best friend is having an affair with a married man – I’m so disappointed
I’m sick of my coupled-up friends treating me like a second class citizen
I want to divorce my husband – but how do I tell him?
‘My friend never wants to see me now she’s a new mum. I feel so rejected…’
‘I’m 17, he’s 31… Am I too young to tell him I have feelings for him?’
‘How do I stop my son’s dad from plastering his face online?’
‘My boyfriend is the best man at a wedding, but I wasn’t invited. He’s still going…’
‘My dad’s cheating on my mum – but she’s desperate to win him back’
‘My partner makes more than me – but refuses to pay more of our bills’
‘Do I tell my new partner I’m a 30-year-old virgin?’
‘My fiancé is not attracted to me – how do I get past this?’
But even if they did, what exactly does winning look like to you? Because I’d bet a bunch on the fact my definition is different. And that of the thousands of people reading this all of our definitions differ.
Winning looks different to everyone. And losing?? That does too, not that we ever SEE the losses, do we? The way that the world is online at the moment, we truly are consuming a perpetual highlight reel.
No one is talking about being made redundant or bickering with their partner or having the worst period of their lives or not going out for a run or forgetting to meal prep or being passed up for that promotion at work. So, naturally, we assume we are the only ones struggling with anything. When we absolutely aren’t.
Want to ask Em Clarkson a question?
With nearly 300,000 followers on Instagram and a reputation as one of the more honest influencers out there, Em is often asked for advice in her DMs. Now, she wants to do the same in Metro, as our newest columnist.
No topic is off limits. So if you’ve a question for her agony aunt series, email [email protected].
All I really know is that comparison is the thief of joy, and that the grass is greener where you water it. So stop focussing on everyone else, they aren’t you and they never will be. All you can control in this life is who you are, and what you do.
The best lesson I learned was that in order to become the person I wanted to be I just had to behave like them, and as it turns out, that was the best thing I could have done for my self-worth. Not because I was emulating people around me I perceived to be successful, but because I was able to identify what I wanted my life to look like and work out who I wanted to be within that.
It meant that I started doing things that made me happy, being nice to the people around me and trying my best whenever I could. Become the person you want to be, and leave everyone else to it.
Should I say something?
