‘I know a lot of people will probably call me petty and immature, but I want nothing to do with my ex’ (Picture: Getty Images)
Navigating interactions with a former spouse can be challenging at the best of times.
But when you break up with someone who was embedded in your life and family for years, sometimes the break isn’t quite so clean for everyone else.
For one woman, the situation is getting particularly sticky given her brother wants both her and her ex to be part of his wedding party.
The 32-year-old has taken to Reddit to share the details and ask if she’s in the right for setting an ultimatum – if her ex is a groomsman, then she’s not going to be a bridesmaid.
She’s even thinking about not attending at all.
She started the story by explaining that her brother and fiancée are getting married this summer, and asked her to be a bridesmaid via video call.
‘I of course agreed because I love them both,’ she recalled, ‘and I am very happy for them.
‘However, during the call, and after I had already agreed to be a bridesmaid, my brother dropped a bomb on me. He said that he hopes this doesn’t cause any issues, but he wants to ask my ex-husband (30M) to be one of his groomsmen.
‘My initial reaction was not the best, I basically said “What? Why? Are you serious? WTF?”‘
Then she dives into the context of how her relationship with her ex went down.
‘My ex and I were high school sweethearts and married young,’ she wrote. ‘We were both 23 when we married and were divorced by the time we turned 25. No infidelity or abuse of any kind, just a toxic relationship we were too young to recognize properly, and eventually we got to a point in our marriage where we just hated each other.
‘Thankfully, we never had kids, and we were too young to have many assets, so the divorce was easy since neither of us wanted anything to do with the other. I moved away, got a new job, and started a new life.
‘My ex stayed in our hometown (where my brother currently lives). I haven’t spoken to my ex in almost five years.’
‘My initial reaction was not the best’ (Picture: Getty Images/PhotoAlto)
While she knew her brother and her ex were ‘always close’, their continuing close friendship after the divorce was news to the poster.
‘My brother told me that he understands this might be a bit awkward,’ she went on, ‘but it’s just for one day, and it’s not like my ex and I are going to have to walk down the aisle together. He said they will try to do whatever they can to keep distance between us if needed, but that both me and my ex are very important people to him, and he wants both of us involved in his wedding.
‘I know a lot of people will probably call me petty and immature, but I want nothing to do with my ex. There’s a reason I haven’t spoken to him in so long, I have no desire to speak to him. Let alone be in the same wedding party as him.’
She also pointed out that, since they’re both in the wedding party, there’s going to probably be lots of unavoidable situations in which, no matter what, they’ll have to be around each other a lot.
‘I want nothing to do with that,’ she writes. ‘I explained all of this to my brother and told him that if he’s going to keep my ex as a groomsman, I don’t think I can be a bridesmaid and I might have to reconsider even attending the wedding.
‘This led to a bit of back and forth with my brother trying to bargain with me and convince me that it wouldn’t be that big of an issue, and me pretty much telling him this was non-negotiable for me.’
The issue remains unresolved, and after their chat, the poster’s mother and younger sister weighed in to tell her that she needs to support her brother and ‘grow up’.
Ouch.
People in the comments are divided, with some saying her brother should show more loyalty to his family, while others saying the poster basically needs to get a grip.
One person wrote: ‘I’m with your family; this feels petty. I’ve been at weddings with my ex. You haven’t spoken in five years, so just keep not speaking to each other. If he tries to talk, just move along and ignore that he’s there.’
However, the top comment reads: ‘It’s his day, your brother can invite whoever he wants to participate. But you don’t have to accept the invitation.
‘Everyone likes to crow that line about “blood is thicker than water” so maybe your brother could consider who’s most important to him at his wedding.’
It might not always be easy, but getting along with and being friends with your ex are both absolutely possible.
As Metro Writer and freelance journalist Ella Glover previously wrote: ‘It would be foolish to think there’ll never be feelings of longing, nostalgia or even sexual feelings towards an ex.
‘But I don’t think that should get in the way of friendship. Feelings are just that, feelings. It’s how you act that matters.’
That being said, it certainly won’t be for everyone – what do you think? Let us know in the comments below…
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‘I know a lot of people will probably call me petty and immature.’
