KIds being banned from weddings has become an increasingly contentious issue (Picture: Getty Images)
Weddings are lovely, pretty things, but they are also notorious for whipping up feuds between friends and family.
And one furious woman has shared her nuptials drama on Mumsnet where she revealed that her groom-to-be brother has banned her autistic son from his wedding ceremony, despite other children being invited.
‘My brother is getting married, I’m one of the bridesmaids,’ she wrote. ‘I have three kids, the older two are also part of the bridal party (both teenagers). My youngest son (also a teenager) has autism. He’s not being included and I’ve been told he can come after the ceremony and after food.
‘So essentially an evening guest…right?’
She went on to admit that she is very ‘hurt and upset’ that her son was being left out and slammed her sibling for ‘the pretence of this is best for him.’
‘[He did no] consulting with us his parents,’ she added. ‘The groom doesn’t spend any time with said son so has no idea on what’s best and what’s not! My brother can’t see that he’s done anything wrong!’
Most couples are still happy to have children, including those with disabilities, take part on their big day (Picture: Getty Images)
‘If anything my son won’t be comfortable in the evening do because of the loud music and potentially drunk noisy people as expected,’ she explained, before asking if she was ‘being unreasonable’ by feeling ‘really hurt and sad over this? Or is my brother being unreasonable?’
Replies to the post were largely on-side and supportive.
One woman wrote: ‘I would also be exceptionally hurt by this. How do you think he would cope during the ceremony and meal? As a SEN mum (parent of child with special education needs) my heart aches for you.’
Another suggested that she could simply ignore her brother’s request: ‘Are you in the UK and is the ceremony a legal marriage or is the legal marriage being done at a registry office instead? I ask, because he can’t be barred from the ceremony if it is the legal wedding bit.
‘It is an open public event (to allow any objections to be made, if required). So he could just turn up – though that is perhaps a bit of a nuclear option!’
Someone else added: ‘I would back out now to be honest,’ while a fourth commented: ‘They should have spoken to you, you know your child and what they can/can’t cope with and you are not going to put him through anything difficult.
‘As a fellow ASD mum, I know that you already know that your child can get overwhelmed. Maybe they think you haven’t noticed,’ she added sarcastically. ‘It’s a sh***y thing for them to have done.’
Wedding planner Alison Rios McCrone told Metro that excluding children from a wedding is ‘an extremely sensitive issue, and while it is impossible to please everyone, there are ways to communicate your decision respectfully and minimise potential conflicts.’
But it’s even more complicated if the wedding is actually not child-free but just barring one child because of a disability.
However, one Mumsnet user did offer a potential solution.
She advised: ‘You really need to speak to your brother about this. With all the hooha with putting the wedding together and getting things organised, I feel there hasn’t been a lot of thought out into this.
‘Of course you feel hurt, I would too, but please get your brother aside and explain to him how this looks and how it makes you feel.
‘This is a situation that can be diffused. I don’t think any malice was intended, but I also think your brother has no idea what you deal with and how best to include your son. I hope it can be sorted soon…’
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Is this just plain old discrimination?