I’m young, successful, single and I stopped having one night stands a year ago
Welcome to How I Do It, the series in which we give you a seven-day sneak peek into the sex life of a stranger.
This week we hear from Kim*, a straight 22-year-old woman who works in media in London and has been single almost all of her life. She also swore off one-night stands more than a year ago, only wavering once.
Kim says: ‘I tell my friends that it’s because I don’t do relationships, but really it’s because I’m lazy and rarely fancy people.
‘I was celibate for a year until June, when I had a one night stand. He was very nice and perfectly adequate but it was a bit of surprise (to my flatmates as well) as I gave up one-night flings when I left university.
‘I just don’t think they’re worth it anymore. I’ve had good ones, but they’re always very anonymous, and I’ve had some really bad ones.’
Kim also wanted to ‘stop valuing [herself] only by whether [she] hooked up with someone on a night out’.
She adds: ‘I was an ugly duckling at school, and even now I am a tall woman, so sometimes I can feel ignored or hideous. Then I get very competitive, and really reckless, and I usually drunk cry, which isn’t very dignified.
‘Now, if I decide I want to have sex with someone, it’s a decision about whether I like them, rather than one about whether I like myself at that exact moment.
‘I know that the “incel” movement makes it sound like anyone who doesn’t have sex all the time is a complete weirdo, but actually I felt more out-of-control when I had more.’
So, without any further ado, here’s how she got on this week…
Tuesday
I have a busy day at work, so I decide to walk home after. On the walk, I call home, and my younger brother spends an hour telling me lots of stories about his sixth form.
In an amusing development, he decides to tell me about how he lost his virginity on our summer holiday. At least someone’s getting some. I do the big sister thing of asking if he’s been to the sexual health clinic, because I am the responsible one now.
I eat, read, shower, move some things around my room to make it look tidier before getting into bed.
My flatmate has loud sex in the room next to mine. This is annoying but happens relatively regularly, so I usually just ignore it or put my headphones in.
I can’t get to sleep, so I read some smut – anything in the fantasy genre will get me going.
Then I decide that’s not going to be enough on its own. I think multiple orgasms are the gift the Gods gave women for the rest of what we put up with. Seems churlish not to make the most of them.
Wednesday
Some days are not days for sex of any kind. I get to work and realise quickly that it’s one of those days where I will not move from my desk for several hours.
After joking with colleagues about why we don’t spend our limited free time with men, I make plans with someone I’ve been almost-dating. He’s very lovely but doesn’t live nearby, so I don’t see him very often.
We haven’t slept together yet but he doesn’t live in London, so spending quality time together isn’t the easiest.
I fall face first into bed when I finally get home, so there really is nothing to report.
Thursday
Another busy day at work. Sometimes you don’t realise that you’re in a busy season until you look back at what you’ve done in just a couple of days, so I take time to catalogue some achievements. This makes the rest of my week feel a bit less bleak.
I am a natural extrovert, and I love meeting new people, but my job requires me to do this a lot. Sometimes if I then have another event afterwards, it’s all a little bit much.
Sometimes I worry about whether, because I am in my early twenties and haven’t had a relationship, I’ll actually be able to have a more committed relationship.
But then again, I manage to hold down a job, and have a flat and a social life, so if it doesn’t happen, it’s not like my life is meaningless. And I can always buy sperm on eBay, I guess, if I get really desperate.
I get home at 2am after a post-work dinner where I got pretty drunk. I climb into bed and as usual when I’ve had a bit to drink, I fall asleep immediately.
Friday
I am not feeling very well – not just a hangover, but also a cold – and so when I finish work early, I rush home to have a nap.
When I wake up a couple of hours later, my flatmates have both got back from work. We have a chat, and I make some tea.
Then I have an everything shower, which essentially necessitates a wank. There’s no one else to shave my legs for, so I might as well appreciate it when I put the effort in.
Saturday
After a day trip with friends for an activity-based birthday party (which required a hike in the countryside that I loved), I head out to a house party.
I get there and see the three people I went there to see within the first half an hour, but none of us are really feeling it.
I leave early, but the activity of the day has left me shattered. I showered before the party, so I take off my eyeliner and read until I fall asleep.
Sunday
I have lunch out with a friend. We then hit a bookshop, before heading into a vintage shop where we spend a couple of hours annoying the assistants by trying everything on.
Once I have walked home I start the life admin that I had put off to spend time with my mate.
It’s boring, so I procrastinate it even further by talking to my flatmate’s boyfriend. We argue the age-old tits or arse debate, which was a topic at the party the night before.
We agree that while a lot of men in our generation start out obsessed with bums, boobs get more appreciation as we get older.
Monday
Back to work. I love my job, but when it’s dark in the morning and cold in my room (I refuse to pay for heating) the snooze button is very tempting.
Another hectic day, although I prefer days with lots to do. I buzz around feeling important. I think if I got a school report for work it would say that I was a disruptive influence but I think my colleagues like me.
I reward myself with some healthy masturbation when I get home. My logic for this is that I’ll probably be too tired later in the week, when I have events in the evening. Also, it helps me relax, and I always sleep better, so it’s just self-care really.
Multiple orgasms are the gifts the gods gave women.