Is cruise entertainment as cringey as my teenage memories? I investigate 15 years on…

A decade-and-a-half after my first cruise, what’s cruise entertainment like now? (Picture: Sian Elvin)

‘If I’m being completely honest, I hate making decisions,’ an earnest retiree, from Canada, said to me across the dining table in one of the many restaurants on the ship.

‘That’s why I love going on cruises. I’ve been making decisions for 40 years and now I no longer work, I don’t have to make them.’

I sat back to consider this, gazing out of the window to watch the dark waves lap at the side of the huge Celebrity Apex ship sailing smoothly through the Mediterranean sea, around the coast of Spain.

If it’s my turn to be honest now, I’ve never been quite convinced by cruises. The only time I’d been on one previously was as a teenager some 15 years ago, and my memories are hazy.

It was a kind of educational trip, and while the stops off the ship and hospitality on board were excellent, I remember the activities being lacklustre.

I snoozed during a history lecture as the boat slowly rocked me to sleep, I cringed at some of the dreadful entertainment on board, and spent days at sea playing card games with my friends, as there was little else to do.

One of the few photos of me from my cruise around the Mediterranean when I was 15(Picture: Sian Elvin)

The stops were amazing on the trip 15 years ago, but the entertainment on board was lacklustre(Picture: Sian Elvin)

But now as an adult, the world is my oyster – so to speak – on board a cruise ship. On Celebrity Cruises’ Apex boat literally every option is available to you to make a holiday your own, including 29 different restaurants, an open-air pool as well as adults-only covered pool, an art gallery, spa and theatre – all across 14 guest decks.

So what was I waiting for to be proved wrong? I even brought the ultimate tester with me – my boyfriend, Chris, who despises organised fun and has never been on such a trip before – to help me decide whether cruises were officially cringe or cool.

The experience would certainly have to do a lot to break the stereotype that only old people went on cruises, I thought, as I glanced over the retiree’s shoulder to see another pensioner discreetly pop out his dentures and store them in a plastic case in his pocket.

Undeterred, I grinned at our new friends on our table and got stuck into the delicious meal in front of us – a baked brie served with apple and walnut to start, followed by a juicy duck confit for main and a warm apple and cinnamon crumble to finish, all washed down with a glass of chardonnay as recommended by the restaurant’s sommelier.

The food on board the Celebrity Apex was delicious(Picture: Sian Elvin)

Duck confit served with mashed potatoes and roasted vegetables(Picture: Sian Elvin)

Warm apple and cinnamon crumble served with ice cream to finish(Picture: Sian Elvin)

Despite the number of times we’d had to deny being on a honeymoon over dinner, the food was much better than I remembered it being on my other experience of a cruise.

At that point I’d decided my boyfriend had consumed enough wine to be dragged to his first piece of organised fun of the cruise: a silent disco.

We headed down to the imaginatively named ‘The Club’, grabbed some headphones and quickly headed to the bar to grab a G&T while waiting for other prospective dancers to arrive.

Surprisingly, the floor filled up quickly and although there was one older couple intent on ballroom dancing for the entire set, some people more our age arrived and jumped up and down to tracks from Taylor Swift, Rihanna and Miley Cyrus.

I think I might have enjoyed it slightly more than my boyfriend Chris did(Picture: Sian Elvin)

The spa area was relaxing with excellent views (Picture: Sian Elvin)

I waited for my boyfriend to stop laughing at my silent rendition of the Macarena before asking if he was having fun – to which he quickly said ‘yes’, but insisted I was enjoying it more.

For a trip which was apparently supposed to stop us from having to make too many decisions, there were a heck of a lot of choices for entertainment on board Celebrity Apex. Next, did we want to watch a violinist, acoustic duo, go for a drink at one of the many bars, or just… go to bed?

We settled on an acrobatic interpretation of Alice in Wonderland, which started off very Panto-esque starring a hilarious and camp Mad Hatter, then quickly surpassed our expectations when it featured a contortionist, body balancing duo and Alice herself on the aerial silks.

A contortionist starred in a production of Alice In Wonderland and wowed the audience(Picture: Sian Elvin)

There is an adults-only covered pool on board Celebrity Apex (Picture: Sian Elvin)

The rooftop garden on the top deck features a big screen – and if you’re lucky, great weather (Picture: Sian Elvin)

The excursions organised by the cruise company were also worth doing in their own right. We particularly enjoyed a gastronomic tour of Valencia, where we visited Mercado Central, one of the most famous fresh food markets in Europe; tried horchata, a sweet tiger nut milk; and enjoyed charcuterie in a grand building overlooking the city.

A coach trip to the Caves of Nerja near Malaga allowed us to see prehistoric formations close up, explore dimly-lit chambers and view one of the largest stalactites in the world. All of which was pretty cool.

The cabins on board were much more glamorous than I remembered from my teenage years, with a huge king-sized bed, power shower and light-up dressing table mirror which would not have looked out of place in a decent hotel.

The daily offerings of breakfast in bed included freshly brewed coffee, toast, pastries and a variety of fruit. There was even an enclosed balcony with sea views, replacing the tiny porthole of the cruise ship in my memories.

The Celebrity Apex features 29 different restaurants and nearly 1,500 cabin rooms (Picture: Sian Elvin)

Our beautiful room would not have looked out of place in a decent hotel (Picture: Sian Elvin)

You would not have thought this bathroom was on board a cruise ship (Picture: Sian Elvin)

Some of the sunsets off the ship were absolutely stunning (Picture: Sian Elvin)

Relaxing and enjoying the views out of our cabin window, which was certainly larger than the expected porthole (Picture: Sian Elvin)

In fact, we’d barely had time to sit and enjoy the room, I pondered the next morning, as I relaxed into an aromatherapy hot stone massage in the ship’s spa. We’d been so busy enjoying everything on offer both on board and off it we certainly hadn’t had time to get bored – and I felt we’d barely scratched the surface of everything on offer.

That evening on our final night of our cruise, we did in fact opt to go to our room early after eating huge juicy steaks in the ship’s excellent steakhouse, and a busy day of activities.

Laying in bed utterly exhausted, we concluded that cruises are a great way to hop around different port cities of Europe and experience new places. The entertainment had certainly been brought up several notches since my last cruise more than a decade ago, and was significantly less cringey.

I was convinced enough to go on a cruise again, but next time I’d aim to take it more in the stride of one of the pensioners on board – in a very relaxed manner, and attempting to make as few decisions as possible.

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Can it actually be fun – or will it make me wince?