We had no idea they were considering September too (Picture: Getty)
Wedding planner and venue owner Alison Rios McCrone helps solve your dilemmas, no matter how big or small, in a weekly agony aunt column.
Dear Alison,
My partner and I have been engaged for a couple of years now but we’re finally getting married in September next year. We sent out invites a couple of months ago and told all our nearest and dearest from the moment we got engaged that we were planning for September 2024.
So I was incredibly surprised when I got a wedding invite through this weekend from a close friend, inviting me and my fiancée to their wedding – three days before ours!
They’re recently engaged and when we met up with them to celebrate, they didn’t even mention they were considering September too. I’m happy for them and all but we have loads of mutual friends and I’m a bit annoyed they’ve done this without thinking of our day, too.
They’ve gone for mid week, at the other end of the country, and I’m just worried that our friends will choose one wedding or the other. I don’t even know if we’ll be able to attend theirs as we’re getting married the same week!
I get that they’ve booked somewhere now and can’t change date or time, but I’m angry and I don’t know how to deal with my feelings productively. My girlfriend is really upset too and I don’t know how to console her
What do you suggest?
John
Alison has 10 years experience running a wedding venue (Picture: AKP Branding Stories)
Dear John,
Thanks for writing in and sharing your dilemma.
Navigating conflicting wedding dates can be quite an unexpected surprise, especially when it involves close friends.
It is natural for you to feel a mix of surprise and frustration, especially when you told all your nearest and dearest your plans from the moment you were engaged.
It is completely understandable to feel blindsided by your close friends picking their wedding date so close to yours, even so when it could impact mutual guests’ attendance.
But, as you say, there is nothing much that can be done so it’s now about making peace with the situation.
Try to put yourself in your friends’ shoes. There might be a range of circumstances that meant that mid-week wedding was the only feasible option for them.
Perhaps there were limited dates at their dream venue, or they were swayed by the cheaper weekday venue hire. That date might hold significance for them in a way you have not considered.
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I know it’s hard not to feel angry, but rest assured that your friends have not done this maliciously or with any intention of causing chaos to your nuptials.
I have seen several weddings at our venue where a couple get married, and within a week or so of their wedding, another bridesmaid or groomsman is getting wed.
There will never be the perfect date, and all sorts of situations will crop up before your wedding that may prevent close friends and family from attending, for example, sickness, pregnancy, conflicting work schedules, and child-minding issues.
But it sounds like you have given everyone as much advance notice as possible, which means you have done everything you can to ensure they are available to attend your wedding.
Your friends who genuinely want to be at your wedding will find a way to attend or show their support.
Plus, as your wedding falls on a weekend, you may have more luck with securing RSVPs than a Wednesday ceremony that requires extensive travel.
With careful planning, there may be an opportunity for you as a couple to attend your friends’ wedding, even if it is close to your special day. Rather than inspire bitterness, I am convinced this will only increase your excitement for your own later in the week.
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It is, however, worth speaking with your engaged friends about when they are considering hosting their hen and stag parties so you can ensure the dates don’t clash.
Try and share your happiness and joy for your friends, and understand you are both celebrating an extraordinary moment in your lives.
Reassure your fiancée of the uniqueness and significance of your wedding day, regardless of conflicting events. Comfort her and remind her that your wedding will be unique irrespective of other events.
Weddings are about the union of two people in love. Despite scheduling challenges, cherish the moments leading up to your day and the beautiful journey you embark on together.
Consider reaffirming your commitment with a heartfelt gesture or spending quality time together to refocus on the joy of your upcoming celebration.
I wish you a memorable wedding day.
Best wishes
Alison
Do you have a story you’d like to share? Get in touch by emailing jess.austin@metro.co.uk.
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Not only that, but it’s at the other end of the country and we have loads of mutual friends.