How do we relay the news without angering a significant portion of our guests? (Picture: Getty)
Dear Alison,
We’re recently engaged and drawing up our guest-list for our wedding. We’ve decided that we very firmly do not want children at our wedding, but are worried about breaking the news to our friends and families.
It would mean cutting out cousins, nieces, nephews, godchildren, and other friends’ kids – and likely offending some of our loved ones – but we’ve both been to weddings where babies have screamed throughout the ceremony and kids run amok during the reception and toasts.
How do we relay the news without angering a significant portion of our guests?
Dave and Marie
Do you have a wedding problem you need some advice on?
Weddings are joyful occasions – but they’re also incredibly stressful. Whether you’re a bride or groom, best woman or man, family member or friend of the couple, the run up to the big day can be very tense.
If you need a bit of help with your quandary, Alison, who has run a wedding venue for 10 years and helps couples plan weddings, is here to offer a helping hand.
Email [email protected] to share your issue anonymously with Alison and get it solved.
Dear Dave and Marie,
Congratulations on your engagement and I hope you’re enjoying the early stages of planning your wedding.
As I’m sure you’ve discovered, as well as it being a fun experience, it’s also a tough situation to navigate – especially when you decide to exclude children from your guestlist.
It’s an extremely sensitive issue, and while it is impossible to please everyone, there are ways to communicate your decision respectfully and minimise potential conflicts.
Firstly, be clear and consistent with your message.
Make sure guests know from the offset that you have chosen a child-free wedding. You can do this by clearly stating it on your save the dates and again on your invitations.
You should give your guests as much notice as possible that they will be unable to bring their kids.
You should prioritise creating a vibe that aligns with your vision (Picture: AKP Branding Stories)
In addition to direct communication, ensure your wedding website clearly states your policy.
If you receive any push back to this, you should respond to each guest the same way and be consistent with your decision even if someone tries to negotiate exceptions.
Allowing one child may lead to resentment from other guests, so it’s best to have a blanket ban.
Even if your invitees get emotional and lay the pressure on, remain firm and, importantly, respectful.
For most couples with children, adult-only weddings are a great excuse to have some quality time by themselves
When speaking with friends and on your website use positive language, highlighting your desire for a lively, adult-oriented celebration where guests can relax and let their hair down.
If you’re worried that childcare costs will be prohibitive for your guests, you could consider hiring a couple of childminders for the day to look after guests’ kids nearby. This shows that you are considering the parents’ perspective.
Similarly, you could suggest another, more informal, event in the days before or after the wedding, where children are allowed. For example, a post-wedding barbecue.
For most couples with children, adult-only weddings are a great excuse to have some quality time by themselves, and they won’t struggle to get support from grandparents/relatives or close friends to look after their children while they attend the wedding.
But it’s not possible to please everyone, so be prepared for reactions.
Respond with kindness and understanding but reiterate your decision and emphasise your desire to have a wedding that reflects your vision. Marie and Dave, make sure you are on the same page with this and respond to family and friends on both sides the same way.
Remember, it is your special day, and you should prioritise creating a vibe that aligns with your vision. While some might get upset, by approaching the issue sensitively and with understanding, you will help minimise the chance of fallout.
People who matter to you will do whatever it takes to be at your wedding and support your wishes.
Wishing you the best wedding day.
Find out more about Alison here: alisonriosmccrone.com; and find details of her wedding venue here: altskeith.com.
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Even if your invitees get emotional and lay the pressure on, remain firm and, importantly, respectful.
