‘I was happy just to have a sexual fling and not get emotionally involved’
Most people hope the intimate details of what happens in the bedroom stay there – or, at least, are not broadcasted far and wide as gossip.However, in some rare cases this is simply, not true!
This week, we hear from a reader who hooked up with a married man a few times – but since ending things, she’s found out he’s been spreading nasty rumours about her.
The woman especially feels betrayed considering she called things off between the two of them when she sensed it meant more to him.
But before you go, be sure to read last week’s sex dilemma from a man who begged his wife to go to his Christmas party, only to find her kissing his boss later in the evening.
The problem…
A few months ago, I bumped into a guy I haven’t seen for years, and we ended up going for a drink. I discovered he’d moved back to the area, having married and had a baby, but he said he was unhappy. He basically cried on my shoulder for a couple of hours, not just about his home life but about his job, his mortgage arrears and so on.
We arranged to meet again, not romantically, but just as friends because he said he could talk to me. After that we met a few times, and needless to say, we ended up in bed.
I felt a bit bad, but he said his wife would never find out, so she wouldn’t be hurt by our affair. As I was unattached, I was happy just to have a sexual fling and not get emotionally involved, so it seemed okay.
However, I started to feel that he was more into me than I was to him, as he began to talk about leaving his family. At that point, I said we should end the relationship, as it was wrong and messing with my head. He tried hard to get me to change my mind, but eventually accepted my decision and agreed to keep everything secret.
But now I’ve discovered he’s telling people all the sordid details and making me out to be a complete slut. I feel so upset, because I offered him sympathy and support, and now he’s saying awful things about me.
Laura says…
What a nasty piece of work. It hardly sounds like he was a barrel of laughs the first time you went for a drink, so it’s a shame you didn’t connect the rest of the dots before you got in too deep.
I can’t condone sleeping with a married man, which often causes so many tears for so many people. But in terms of whatever you did with this guy, it was between consenting adults, so you have nothing to be ashamed of.
You have wounded him and bruised his ego, and his way of fighting back is to try to portray you in a bad light. But we’re long past the point where women can be ‘slut shamed’ while men can boast about sleeping around, and the people he’s talking to probably think less of him than they do of you.
Don’t let him make you feel ashamed or awkward. Behave as though nothing has happened, and if you see him out, chat to him normally and ask how his wife is. If you’re pleasant, it’s unlikely he’ll want to make himself look even more stupid by being offensive to you.
I doubt he’ll get much positive feedback for being such a moron, so ignore anything you hear about what he’s said; just rise above this and get on with your life. Meanwhile, be glad you’re not his wife, and make it a New Year’s Resolution never again to get involved with a married man.
‘Now he’s saying awful things about me.’