Lola* thinks polyamory is ‘amazing’ (Picture: Myles Goode / Getty)
Welcome to How I Do It, the series in which we give you a seven-day sneak peek into the sex life of a stranger.
This week we hear from Lola* a 31-year-old bisexual woman who works in the porn industry.
Lola says she was a ‘late bloomer’ when it comes to polyamory – and was actually in a long-term monogamous relationship when she realised she wanted to do things differently.
After taking a few months apart from her long-term monogamous partner, they got back together and are trying to make it work. Lola is now in several ethical non-monogamous partnerships and thinks polyamory is ‘amazing’.
Lola says: ‘It teaches you how to commit to the moment, with the people you’re in that moment with. Everything else can wait.’
She adds that sex is a ‘mostly healthy coping tool’ for her to manage her emotions. The time she spends with her partner, as well as the meet ups with her long distance partner, give her ‘a boost’ when she’s feeling drained.
However, she says that ‘due to the nature of open relationships… the consistency of my sex life often depends on other people’s emotional states. This can be really difficult for someone who uses pleasure as a coping tool.’
So, without any further ado, here’s how she got on this week…
Saturday
As a couple working through quite a few emotional hurdles as we adjust to polyamory, my sex life with my primary partner has taken a bit of a dip.
So, when we start fooling around tonight for the first time in over two weeks (which previously would have been a long time to go without it for both of us), I am here for it.
I’m in the moment but my partner is a little distracted and eventually, it makes me feel really awful. I need his attention so completely and desperately that I finally stop the action so we can have a good talk.
It has been a really difficult transition for my partner to go from monogamy to polyamory. It was my idea, and while I’ve been eager to explore this new side of my identity, understanding that we’re capable of loving more than one person had been harder for him. It’s caused some turmoil in our relationship, but we’re trying to make it work.
After having a chat about how we were coping, we followed it up with some emotional love-making, which was just what I need… if only we hadn’t gotten off to such a rocky start.
Later in the night, a friend and I engage in a fun little sexting session that lasts over an hour and a half – lots of teasing, giggles, and a few orgasms later, I feel a lot better about my whole evening.
Sunday
The polarising emotions from the night before cling to me all day and it leaves me feeling less-than-desirable.
When you’re new to polyamory or have spent most of your life in monogamous relationships, it can be incredibly difficult to accept that there’s nothing wrong with you, the way you love, or the way you show affection.
Normally, masturbation is something of a ‘pick-me-up’ tool for me, but I’m not feeling the vibe, especially after a day of cooking, cleaning, self-doubt and parenting my seven-year-old – whom I share with my formerly monogamous partner.
Monday
Working from home provides something of a relaxed environment, and a lot of the research I do for work has me reading erotica, researching the latest kink trends, and ultimately, being very turned on.
Some days, when I’m over-run with meetings and feeling like I don’t have a spare minute to play, I like to edge myself. Today is one of those days.
Edging with a vibrator pulsing away between my legs feels so good. I only last about an hour (which is a pretty short amount of time for my typical edging sessions) but the climax is just the right kind – long, steady, not overwhelming.
I top it off with some cookies and coffee before rushing off to my next meeting.
Tuesday
Why is the first day of your period the absolute worst?
Period play time isn’t abnormal for me but today on day one, I curl up on the couch working from home.
I get a few flirty texts from a friend of mine and we spend the afternoon discussing our various sexual conquests and adventures.
He is far more adventurous than me, so most of this is just me listening intently as he gushes about a woman who was his latest fling. I quite like her, I think.
She does things to him which are quite similar to how I’d please him if I could. While we have fooled around before, this friend and I have never had the right moment to go any further.
I wish I had been there to join in on the fun.
Wednesday
My cramps are a little better this morning, so I decide to take my favourite toy (a G-spot and clitoral stimulator toy) into the shower for some solo playtime.
The rest of my day is filled with work… writing about and talking about sex – but I am so not in the mood anymore. It’s really difficult sometimes to love yourself when a lot of people are telling you the way you want to live and who you love is wrong.
As a bisexual poly-person, living outside the ‘norm’ really weighed heavy on me today.
All I can think about is climbing into bed with an extra-large pizza and binge-watching Marvel movies until I fall asleep.
Thursday
I’m one day away from a weekend of great sex with my long-distance boyfriend and I’m sexting with a friend – who I absolutely should not, under any circumstances, hook up with.
I’m a bit of a masochist and I love the tease.
All day I’m edging myself between meetings and sneaking off to take naughty little photos. I have absolutely no intention of having a release today, I just like putting myself right on the edge. Especially since I know that tomorrow will be full of pleasure.
I decide to dress up and take some photos for my OnlyFans before climbing into bed.
Friday
Checking into hotels is so fun when you haven’t seen your lover in months, and even more so when the dynamic you have between you is BDSM-centric and very intense.
I wait patiently in the lift up to our floor while he eye-f**ks me, licking his lips, waiting to absolutely devour me… mentally undressing me before I undress for him in the room. It’s perfection.
Time with my dominant lover is so sacred to me and the things we do together can be misunderstood by people very easily. Being spit on, for example.
Many people think this is an insult but for us, it’s intimacy. Spanking, slapping, crawling on the floor, and being degraded… these are the things of romance.
Many orgasms are had and some cute little bruises are created (consensually, of course) for me to enjoy later.
After the first two rounds, we order room service. Then it’s movies in bed, before a quick shower and more time exploring each other’s bodies.
He kisses parts of me that I’ve hated in the past and I moan his name. I capture it all on video for later for us to enjoy and to share with people.
Saturday
Today holds more sex, more passion and more consensual pain play. There’s so much pleasure I need a break but I don’t dare take one because I’m not sure when we will see each other again.
We switch from soft missionary-style sex to intense bent-over-the-bed f**king. Anyone who knows anything about BDSM can attest to how intimate, romantic, and therapeutic it can be.
We go out to explore the city for a few hours, indulge in sweet treats, and buy each other cute little gifts. Then we spend the rest of the evening exactly how we spent the last one: movies, sex, kissing, and teasing.
It’s more about exploring each other’s bodies tonight than it is about climaxing, which we’re both more than okay with. We only have a few hours left together.
Tomorrow morning we’ll say goodbye and by tomorrow evening, I’ll be re-adjusting to life in another home with another person I love.
How I Do It:
In Metro.co.uk’s How I Do It you get a sneak peek into a week of a person’s sex and love life – from vanilla love-making to fetishes, threesomes and polyamorous relationships, they reveal it all.
Fancy taking part yourself? Email [email protected] for more information.
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‘It has been a really difficult transition.’