‘That was a joke, you’re supposed to laugh.’
I’m sitting in a photo studio, in London, and Gregg Wallace is glaring at me. I can’t remember what exactly he had said, but what I do know is: it wasn’t funny.
It was a sexist remark, wrapped up as a ‘joke’ so unfunny that not even me, a people pleaser who laughs easily at a lot of inappropriate jokes (when they’re actually funny) could muster a laugh.
He then turned to a more senior member of the team, and said, ‘Can’t you make her laugh?’ This time his tone was more jovial, but there was an undercurrent to it and his behaviour throughout that day was: I have the power, you’ll do as I am told.
This was 2013, I was working as a junior writer at a magazine and we were shooting Wallace for our cover.
It was my first experience working with celebrities and I was excited to be a part of it all, but the day itself was deeply uncomfortable.
Alongside the sexist remarks, I was told Wallace also refused to wear underwear, leaving us uncomfortable.
I had not thought much about that day very often.
Mostly when answering the inevitable question you get when you tell people you’re a journalist, of: ‘who’s the worst celebrity you’ve ever encountered?’
I’ve since gone on to interview and shoot with many more celebrities, in my career working for women’s glossies and Wallace’s attitude was by far the worst.
There were other things, too: overfamiliarity with other women on set that I witnessed. That is not my story to tell.
What I can say is that a BBC News investigation heard from 13 people who have worked with him over the years have accused him of making inappropriate sexual comments, and allegations that he groped three women on and off the set have been reported.
And, since I shared my memories of the presenter on my social media, my inbox has been full of other 00s journalists sharing their own stories about the presenter.
It’s only in the wake of all this that I’ve begun to reflect more deeply on that shoot, seeing it as less of a celebrity anecdote to tell at parties, and more as a vile incident that shouldn’t have been allowed to happen.
But it was 11 years ago, and I say that not as an excuse for his behaviour but instead as a reason why afterwards (as far as I am aware) there were no complaints made against him.
It was a time of ‘put up, and shut up.’ Heard something that makes you feel uncomfortable? ‘Laugh, it’s just a ‘joke’.
Been groped? ‘Oh it’s just someone being a bit handsy, take it as a compliment.’
Since 2003 it has been illegal to touch someone sexually without their consent, and groping is considered, under the sexual offences act, a serious crime.
But still, it was the general consensus back then, that this sort of behaviour was just part of the fabric of life.
Add, on top of that, the fact that he was a celebrity, with power, of course I wasn’t going to say anything. We all just tried our best to keep out of his way.
And afterwards we sat around and spoke of how vile he was, with the stylist fretting about how she would return the clothes he had worn without underwear on.
I don’t blame any of us for not speaking up, as it was, at the time, behaviour that was seen as simply unpleasant but also not something worth ‘kicking up a fuss over’.
Today, the allegations against Wallace keep coming. Each one I read has a flavour of what I witnessed that day. One woman, who accused Wallace of groping her on MasterChef, said that she felt she’d had her ‘card marked’ after letting him know she was disgusted.
A clip has also resurfaced of him, in 2014, telling his Strictly Come Dancing partner that he ‘doesn’t wear underwear’. The broadcaster Kirsty Wark, a Celebrity MasterChef contestant in 2011, said he used ‘sexualised’ language while filming.
Wallace’s lawyers have denied that he engaged in sexually harassing behaviour, and this weekend, he took to his Instagram to say that the accusations have come from ‘middle-class women of a certain age.’
Before going on to say: ‘Twenty years of doing Celebrity MasterChef, amateur, professional, Eat Well For Less?, Inside the Factory. Do you know how many staff, all different sorts of staff, you imagine the people I’ve worked with. Do you know how many staff complained about me in that time? Absolutely none. Zero. Seriously.’
He emphasised that on MasterChef he had worked with over 4,000 contestants comparing this to the 13 complaints made against him.
It feels to me that Wallace has failed to recognise that there are so many reasons why we don’t make complaints. He appears to be taking a lack of official complaints as a sign he has done nothing wrong.
Wallace defended himself in a video he posted on Instagram (Picture: Instagram/Gregg Wallace)
But, time and time again, when we do speak up we’re belittled and not believed. Or nothing actually happens. Particularly as complaints were made about him and yet, he continued to be booked for TV gigs.
Also, even if it is 13 women out of 4,000 contestants, why is Wallace OK with that? Why does he not want to take the time to consider what people are saying about his behaviour, and how it made them feel?
I’ve hated reading the allegations made against Wallace, they make me feel sick. I keep wondering, what if I had flagged his behaviour? By ignoring it was I somehow complicit in it?
But I didn’t speak up in 2013 as I was so conditioned by society to believe that his behaviour was ‘no big deal.’ I know better now but still, to be honest, I have felt nervous about opening myself up to criticism with people saying I’m making a fuss over nothing.
Particularly as I wasn’t deeply impacted by what happened. However, that’s precisely the point.
As women, we’re raised to develop a thick skin, to plaster on a smile, fake a laugh and pretend that the things that make us feel deeply uncomfortable are normal.
I grew up in a culture that’s allowed men who behave inappropriately to thrive, simply by encouraging us to look the other way. This has to change. It’s not just on those who experience harassment or abuse to call it out, but also those who witness it.
For those who receive complaints to take them seriously and deliver out the right repercussions. If the allegations are true, Wallace’s behaviour has made so many feel uncomfortable and humiliated, and nothing about that could be considered a ‘joke.’
I didn’t speak up when Gregg Wallace made me uncomfortable – here’s why
