His jokes go way beyond the gentle innuendo of best man speeches (Picture: Getty Images)
With wedding season underway, Metro.co.uk has roped in Alison Rios McCrone, venue owner and planner, to help solve your dilemmas in a weekly agony aunt column…
Dear Alison,
I’m the groomsman for my friend’s upcoming wedding, and another friend has been given the honour of being best man.
We’re a few weeks out from the big day, and recently the best man showed me a preview of his speech – and it’s very bad.
It’s full of tales of the groom’s sexual exploits before meeting his fiancée that I know she wouldn’t appreciate, and lots of bawdy jokes I know her quite conservative family definitely won’t find funny.
I’m not sure what, if anything, I can do. His jokes go way beyond the gentle innuendo of best man speeches into full-on blue comedy, and I think it has the potential to really cause upset and put a dampener on the big day.
I spoke to the best man, who says I’m just jealous he’s been given the main role while I’m simply a groomsman, so I don’t know whether I should bite the bullet and go over his head to the groom, or worse, the bride, to try and stop him from potentially ruining their wedding.
Can you help?
Cheers,
Colin
I have heard hundreds and hundreds of speeches (Picture: AKP Branding Stories)
Dear Colin,
Thank you for writing in about your current predicament.
You are right – speeches should be uplifting, light-hearted, and entertaining, showing friendship, respect, and humour. It is really important to get the balance right. No one at a wedding wants to hear about the sexual exploits of the groom.
You want to protect the bride, her feelings and her family on what should be the best day of their lives.
I have heard hundreds and hundreds of speeches. The most successful are short (no longer than 10 minutes), share stories or anecdotes about the best man and his friendship with the groom, a little humour, while being heartfelt and sincere.
They also have to give compliments to the bride and groom; stressing how they bring out the best in one another.
Safe to say, you are definitely right to be concerned.
I suggest you speak to the best man again and have an open conversation. You need to be clear that your concerns are not driven by jealousy but by a genuine desire to make the wedding day enjoyable and comfortable for everyone.
Approach the conversation with sensitivity, and highlight your desire to make the day a wonderful experience for everyone
Try to explain that he needs to understand the importance of delivering a speech that shows true friendship and captures the couple’s love story rather than the groom’s sexual shenanigans before the bride appeared on the scene.
It takes a lot of time and practice to prepare a speech, so you need totread carefully with the best man and show lots of empathy towards him.
It is not really what the best man will want to hear, and as much as he will not have intended to offend anyone, it is probably more down to the fact that he thinks those stories are funny and is personally entertained by them when really they will not draw the guests together.
Remind the best man about the significance of the occasion and emphasise that his speech will forever be part of the couple’s cherished memories and that it’s more important to leave a positive impact on everyone attending the wedding, rather than offending guests.
Explain the couple’s values and suggest anecdotes or stories celebrating their journey and the qualities that make their relationship unique.
Alison’s formula for writing a best man speech
Start with a heartfelt anecdote.
Think back over your years of friendship with the groom, how you met, and a meaningful, amusing story showing your bond. This helps set a warm tone and enables you to connect with the audience.
Make sure you’ve introduced yourself, and thank the couple and their family for a wonderful day.
Reflect on another fond or funny memory of your time spent with the groom before moving onto the bride – praising her and the positive impact she has had on your friend.
Give your well wishes to the couple. Perhaps share some advice from what you’ve learned from married life.
Finish with a toast to the bride and groom and some heartfelt observations about them.
Offer to collaborate on the speech together. You could share some of your anecdotes or ideas that you think will resonate with the audience. It could improve the content and also create a bonding experience between you and the best man.
Always keep all your conversations positive and constructive.
Highlight the joy and happiness the couple brings to each other’s lives and encourage the best man to use this positivity in his speech. Encourage him to focus on happy memories, heartwarming stories, and his genuine well wishes for their future together.
If the best man resists your suggestions, consider discussing your concerns with the groom.
Approach the conversation with sensitivity, and highlight your desire to make the day a wonderful experience for everyone, rather than blaming the best man. Remember, your approach should be one of collaboration rather than confrontation.
The ultimate goal is to create a memorable and harmonious celebration for the couple, their families, and guests and your efforts to ensure a delightful and respectful atmosphere are admirable.
By approaching the situation diplomatically, you show your commitment to your friend’s happiness and embody the spirit of love that a wedding celebration is about.
If all else fails, and you believe the speech could ruin the wedding, consider involving a mutual friend or family member who can help mediate the situation.
Approach this situation with empathy, patience, and a sincere desire to make the wedding day as wonderful as possible.
Good luck, and I hope the outcome is a speech that brings smiles and laughter to everyone for all the right reasons!
Best wishes
Alison
Do you have a wedding problem you need some advice on?
Weddings are joyful occasions – but they’re also incredibly stressful. Whether you’re a bride or groom, best woman or man, family member or friend of the couple, the run up to the big day can be very tense.
If you need a bit of help with your quandary, Alison, who has run a wedding venue for 10 years and helps couples plan weddings, is here to offer a helping hand.
Email [email protected] to share your issue anonymously with Alison and get it solved.
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If the best man resists your suggestions, consider discussing your concerns with the groom.