Blue skies and silence…bliss. (Picture: Charlie Bond)
Pre-motherhood, when I could do simple things like go to Tesco without dragging a backpack of snacks with me to avoid toddler meltdowns, I also used to travel – with my husband, my friends, my mum and occasionally solo.
I love holidays and I also think I’m a much nicer, calmer person when I’m away (nothing to do with rosè in the sun I’m sure…), so although I knew life would be different after having a baby, I had no intention of giving up travel altogether.
But then, once I became a mum I started to feel anxious about going away without my son – not because I didn’t want to travel, but because I felt guilty for wanting or needing a break. And, I worried about all of the things that could go wrong while I wasn’t at home to help.
Finally, I took the plunge and agreed to ‘momcation’ when my son was just over a year old, travelling to Tenerife with two friends for a long weekend and some winter sunshine.
Celeb mums like Helen Flanagan have recently spoken out about being shamed for going on holiday without their kids, and sadly I experienced this, too.
When I told people about my travel plans, comments ranged from ‘isn’t he a bit young for you to go off and leave him?’ to ‘wouldn’t you rather go on a family holiday?’ I was left feeling as though me enjoying myself was selfish, and that I was a bad mum for entertaining the idea of having a break.
With my friend Jen (right), on a recent ‘momcation’ to Lanzarote (Picture: Charlie Bond)
But, according to clinical psychologist Dr Charlotte Russell, while there are lots of benefits to family holidays (adventure, curiosity and strengthening bonds, to name a few), they’re not typically relaxing for us mums.
‘Of course, for mums travelling with their children, this usually means being focused on their child’s needs, which can be tiring,’ Charlotte, who works in adult mental health and is the founder of The Travel Psychologist, tells Metro.
‘Travelling without children means being able to focus fully on our own needs, whether this be to rest, explore our own curiosity or to enjoy activities that we find meaningful.
‘These are all important building blocks of wellbeing. These experiences can provide a break from being focused on the needs of our children, which can ultimately allow us to be more present and available for them when returning home.’
Once I’d started to relax into the holiday, I got the dreaded news from back home that my husband and son had both gone down with a sickness bug, and while I was sipping Sangria, they were knee deep in vomit.
It just makes sense (Picture: Charlie Bond)
Although I definitely had the better end of the deal, I couldn’t help but feel incredibly anxious and guilty – I blamed myself for being away and worried that I would be judged for not being at home to help. But, as Charlotte explains, while sometimes things can go wrong while you’re away, it’s not helpful to stress about them.
‘Because children mean so much to us as parents, it is natural to be concerned about them and their wellbeing,’ she says. ‘However, this can sometimes become unhelpful if we begin to imagine all the bad things that might happen, and start to avoid things that would otherwise be helpful.
‘Yes it is possible that your partner or parent might be unwell whilst you’re away, but if they are otherwise healthy, they probably won’t. If they do, they will find a way to make it work. My advice would be not to let fears about what might happen get in the way of what’s right for you.’
Once I got home from my trip (thankfully swerving the sickness bug!) I realised that despite the things that had gone wrong and the negativity I’d faced, I did actually feel refreshed and a bit like my old, pre-baby self. I decided that I wasn’t going to let other people tell me how to spend my time, with or without my child, and set about booking the next child-free break.
I come home feeling revived (Picture: Charlie Bond)
Of course, travel without kids isn’t for everybody, but if you’re keen to try it but feel worried, Dr Charlotte has this advice:
‘Each family is different and has different circumstances and needs. You are in the best place to decide what is right for your family. It’s not anyone else’s decision because they’re not in your shoes.
‘You might be someone who has always travelled, and before having children it was a big part of your life and your identity, and provided a sense of meaning. For you, to stop travelling altogether would be a huge loss.
‘If you know your children are safe and looked after, and you know that a trip would leave you feeling connected to yourself, refreshed and more present for your family, then absolutely you should travel. Of course you may have to adapt how you travel and the duration. Do what is right for you and your family.
‘On the other hand, travel might not be as important for other mums. For some their weekly yoga class, regular spa day or night out with friends might be what meets their needs and preferences. That’s totally fine; we’re all different.’
I’ve just returned from a long weekend in Lanzarote with a mum friend, and it was bliss – good food, good wine, good company and no sticky fingers, naptime battles or listening to The Wheels on the Bus on repeat.
I came back refreshed and relaxed – and despite a few judgy comments again, I know for sure that having a break from my child makes me a better mum, so I’ll be booking another trip soon – long live the momcation.
Good food, good wine, good company – and no naptime battles.