A woman who has bravely overcome her debilitating phobia as part of a new TV show has revealed the devastating impact it had on her life for more than 30 years.
Chloe is one of 20 people who have taken part in a ground-breaking experiment to try and change their lives.
As part of Channel 4 programme The Fear Clinic, she was put through a trial to see if she could work through her worst fear – vomit, also known as emetophobia (the fear of vomiting or seeing others being sick).
The show offers a glimpse into the lives of people terrified of fish, frogs, clowns, balloons and rodents, and gives the patients opportunities for treatment to overcome their phobias.
For Chloe, while being sick herself wasn’t as much of an issue, the constant concern of those around her possibly being sick left her in immense distress, and even meant she struggled to look after her own children.
Ahead of the new series airing, the mum-of-three told us how difficult her life had been living with the phobia, where she was restricted from going out or putting herself in numerous situations.
If she went for a meal out with friends, or a social situation that she wanted to be a part of, she’d be ‘preparing’ for all outcomes.
‘I was never going to be around other people that could potentially be sick,’ she said.
In social situations in public, and even making herself sit at the back of the bus so she could see people around her, Chloe would be ‘scanning’ the room and worrying over noises like people coughing.
‘I was just looking at everyone else rather than, concentrating on my meal or who I’m with,’ she explained.
And when it came to parenting, she’d have to ‘find excuses’ to avoid taking her daughters to places like the fun fair, and was left fearing them catching tummy bugs from nursery and school.
Her middle daughter starting nursery really pushed Chloe to seek help, as she said: ‘The driving force was my middle daughter was starting nursery, and so obviously with my first daughter, everyone says, “Oh, they catch everything. They’re always sick,” but you don’t know what you’re in for.
‘And then, thankfully, she wasn’t really sick, but knowing what happens, I was prepared for the fact that [my second child] was starting nursery, so that was really on my mind.
‘It was something that really should have been a happy time, and it wasn’t a happy time, because I knew what was to come.
‘And also, I had another baby, and she was just a very sicky baby, and that didn’t bother me, like, baby sick wasn’t an issue. But in my head, I thought, “Oh, she’ll be one of those kids that’s just always sick.”
‘And so it was like, right, I need to nip this in the bud now.’
The now-37-year-old said her phobia started when she was around three or four years old, recalling a memory in hospital when her mum was being treated for tonsilitis.
She remembers visiting her mum, who was feeling sick after having her tonsils taken out, and vomited behind a curtain.
‘I was so young, but in my head, I feel like I maybe heard it and I remember being worried for my mum,’ Chloe said. ‘After that, she was talking to my nan, and saying there was blood, and automatically, my mind was in overdrive.
‘I don’t remember leaving the hospital thinking I’m scared of sick now, but it just progressively got worse.’
When the chance to be a part of the Channel 4 programme came, Chloe, who was on maternity leave with her third child at the time, jumped at the opportunity, saying: ‘It was a no brainer, I knew that I had to do it.’
She had been warned of the experiences she’d have to endure, including witnessing someone being sick – hearing, seeing and smelling it.
And though she was aware of what would happen and the fact that she was being exposed to vomit, Chloe had no way to be prepared.
‘I knew what I was going in for, because if I didn’t, I would never have gone into that room,’ she said. ‘But how can you be prepared for something that you have never experienced?
‘I’ve never actually been in a room that I can’t leave with someone being sick. It was just so far removed from everything that I knew and everything that I’d lived my life doing, I’ve always ran away from it.’
Despite choosing to put herself in that situation, Chloe still had her doubts, and wasn’t convinced that the trial, which involves the use of beta blockers, would work.
The unique therapy sees patients confronting their fears over the course of 48 hours using a treatment that’s based on how emotional memory works, and changing how someone reacts when they see their fear.
Chloe said: ‘I definitely wasn’t convinced it was going to work, it’s something that I’ve had for 30+ years.
‘I wanted it to so I think that’s part and parcel of it. Like a part of you wants to do it, otherwise you wouldn’t go in the room. But I just thought, how is this possible? How can you change my mind and my physicality in a few days?’
Remarking on the successful result, Chloe added: ‘For it to work that quickly, honestly, it feels like they put a spell on me.’
The first experience she faced saw her blindfolded and hearing someone vomit, which left Chloe shaking and in tears. She was further distressed when asked to take the blindfold off, and witness someone throwing up.
‘My anxiety was through the roof,’ Chloe recalled, saying she was in tears as soon as she walked into the clinic.
She had also been warned that the person who would be vomiting in front of her had ‘eaten a lot’.
‘Everything was just completely heightened,’ she said. ‘It was completely terrifying, even talking about it now I’m shaking because I just remember how scary the whole thing was.’
But the second time around, after taking the beta blocker, Chloe had an entirely different reaction, and was even able to comfort the person who was unwell.
‘It was the most elating thing ever,’ she said, adding: ‘It was mind-blowing, that quick of a change.’
She was guided to not focus on the vomit, but another detail, like the person’s trainers. Chloe told us: ‘That made me focus on something else while she was being sick, and I just gradually looked up and saw her face and saw that she was just this poor, small woman who needed help, and not just like this monster.
‘It was just really weird, and that gradually got me closer to her, and I was rubbing her back and it was just so bizarre.’
Talking about the surprising outcome, she went on: ‘I absolutely felt like a new person.’
Despite being left ‘physically drained’ and ’emotional’ from her first experience, the second time, Chloe was shocked at how ready she was to face her fears.
Now, she feels ‘lighter’, telling us: ‘That burden was just so heavy on me, and I didn’t even realize it. It was always just exhausting.’
She now feels as though she can leave the house without the excessive planning beforehand, and feels as though she can be ‘present’ with her children.
In one instance, her daughter was sick while at her grandparents, but instead of asking her husband to come home or asking for her to remain with her grandparents, Chloe was able to look after her at home.
‘It’s been a complete life-changer,’ she said.
Following her own bravery in the experience, she wants to show the difference the trial can make, and help others who may be facing the same.
‘If I can just help one person, that for me would be everything,’ she said.
The Fear Clinic: Face Your Phobia airs weekly from January 21 at 8pm on Channel 4 and Channel4.com
‘My phobia stops me looking after my children when they’re sick’
