If you start from 100, you’re destined for disappointment (Picture: Getty Images)
A new TikTok dating theory has dropped, and it might explain why you keep finding yourself so disappointed in love.
Podcast hosts Hannah Berner and Paige DeSorbo spoke about the ‘Zero Theory’ on their podcast, Giggly Squad.
‘Men date from zero,’ said Hannah. ‘So when they meet you and start dating you, you’re a zero, and you have to build up to earn them wanting to date you.
‘But girls date from 100 — we meet you and you are perfect and then we realise all the things that get you down.’
Essentially, the theory states that heterosexual women tend to romanticise men when they start dating them, placing them on a pedestal and expecting them to be perfect.
Meanwhile, men go in with no expectations and build from there.
Why do some people romanticise potential partners?
While it’s a sweeping generalisation to suggest that either of these approaches to dating are gendered, Georgina Sturmer, a registered counsellor, tells Metro.co.uk that there might be some truth to the theory.
‘I would imagine that there is a generalised social expectation that might determine this difference,’ she says.
‘We only need to look at the diet of fairytales and action heroes that boys and girls grow up with.
‘This suggests that “traditional” stereotypes are likely to lead us to look for certain things in our relationships.
‘So a girl might be dreaming of her “perfect prince” while a boy might be busy being an “action hero”.’
Beyond that, though, Georgina says that the tendency to ‘pedestalise’ prospective romantic partners may come from a lack of self esteem and satisfaction in one’s own life.
‘When we romanticise our partners, we are putting a huge amount of hope into what our partner represents for us,’ she explains.
‘This might indicate a lack of confidence or self-esteem, if we look to someone to make us feel worthy or complete.
‘It shows that we might feel that other people are somehow more perfect or more special than we are.
‘It can also indicate that we are dissatisfied or anxious about the idea of being single.
‘This drives us to pin our hopes and dreams on someone else, for fear of being single or alone.’
Why you should stop starting from 100 when it comes to dating
As Georgina explains, starting from 100 is usually an unproductive way to approach dating, especially when meeting somebody new.
‘We are likely to end up feeling disappointed when we discover that our partner is human and flawed like the rest of us,’ she says.
‘It also puts ourselves under unrealistic pressure, to try and become a “100” ourselves.’
Instead, she suggests starting from a place of 50/50 — don’t assume your date is all bad (you’ll never get anywhere with anyone if you can’t trust that they’re going to be good to you), but don’t assume that they’re perfect either.
‘Starting from 50/50 allows for us to enjoy the initial burst of romance, but it also allows room for manoeuvre,’ says Georgina.
‘It allows us to be surprised or impressed by genuine acts of romance or kindness or thoughtfulness.
‘But it also allows us to look out for red flags or warning signs that someone else is unsuitable.’
How to take a more measured approach to dating:
Expecting the worst from someone can be just as unhealthy as expecting the world – either way, we may ignore red flags (because it’s expected or because we can’t let go of our fantasy) and end up heartbroken, or at the very least dissatisfied.
‘Remember that we are all just people.’ says Georgina.
‘Not a set of measurements or scores or statistics, or filtered photos.
‘We are all just people, with our own pasts and lives and dreams and mistakes.
‘And dating offers us a chance to build connections, and learn something about ourselves in the process.’
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We need to be realistic.