Some couples can have loving, meaningful relationships without sex – but for others, it’s an important part of the bond that holds them together.
This week, our reader confesses to cheating on her husband, and having the best sex of her life, even having her very first orgasm.
Now, she hates the idea of going back to boring, less-than-satisfying sex with her husband. So, should she call it quits? Or is there a way to turn the heat up with her partner?
Before you go, read last week’s dilemma, where a woman cheated on her boyfriend by having a threesome – with her cousin…
The problem…
I had a drunken one-night stand after a night out with friends, and now I can’t bear my husband near me.
I’ve been married for seven years and was a virgin when we met. I’ve never had a climax with him and when I listen to my friends talk, I realise how pedestrian my own sex life is.
My rings make it obvious I’m married, so when this gorgeous guy came on to me, it was the most unexpected and exciting thing that had happened in years. After a few drinks I didn’t need much persuasion to go back to his flat for a ‘coffee’. We both knew exactly what would happen and headed straight for the bedroom.
I’ve never felt so nervous, but the sex was fantastic and for the first time in my life, I was like an animal. I don’t know where it came from. Maybe I’ve always wanted to be like it, but never had the chance before, and I climaxed several times.
This guy never pretended he wanted anything long-term and didn’t ask for my number or mention seeing me again. I felt a bit embarrassed when I’d sobered up a bit, but his attitude made it easier to pretend nothing had happened when I got home in the early hours.
The trouble is that now I know what sex can be like, I can’t face it with my husband. In other ways I love him dearly, but sexually I’ve realised he just doesn’t do it for me.
Laura says…
If it’s only sex that’s wrong with your marriage, don’t let a one-night stand wreck it without at least trying to resolve the issue.
Is it definitely your husband’s poor lovemaking that’s caused you never to climax before? What was it like before you got married? I only ask because sometimes married life can have a dampening effect on your sexuality – years of domestic routine is not always sexy.
Awkward though it might feel, you do need to talk to your husband about your love life. You’re unlikely to ever experience the wild excitement you felt with your one-night stand, because the very fact that it was naughty and unexpected, helped make it so thrilling. But now you know what turns you on, and now you’ve experienced a climax, you can use that knowledge to improve your sex life without openly criticising your husband.
Just say you’d like to be a bit more adventurous sexually and tell him what you would like him to do. If you give as much as you receive, he’ll hopefully find it as exciting as you do.
If you give it your best shot and still feel you’re just not sexually suited, you’ll need to decide whether your marriage can survive based on all the other elements that bind you together.
Sexual compatibility isn’t everything, but it is important. You got away with being unfaithful this once, don’t let infidelity become a destructive habit that ruins your marriage anyway.
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‘The sex was fantastic and for the first time in my life, I was like an animal.’