Get talking (Picture :Getty)
It’s hard to imagine your parents actually had a life before you were born.
After all, what could they possibly have been doing before meeting you, their 10/10, perfect offspring?
But it turns out, we’re not really trying very hard to find much out about our parents, BC (that’s Before Children).
Just 55% of us know about our mums’ life pre-parenthood, and only 23% of us have learnt about our dads.
There might be the idea that dads are a little more private – but the research, by Ancestry, found that 90% of UK fathers want to share stories about their lives with their children.
And we do want to know more too. Tales of adventures and travel (40%), their first job (34%), and their biggest achievements (29%) make up the top three things Brits would like to know about their parents.
And with Father’s Day just days away, now could be the perfect time to dig a little deeper.
So what should you ask? Crista Crowan, corporate genealogist at Ancestry, says these are great questions to get the conversations started with the father figure in your life:
What is the first concert you ever went to? What was your favourite band growing up?
What was your first job?
Where did you meet mum? Was it love at first sight?
What family members do you feel closest to?
What is your best adventure/travel story?
What has been your biggest regret?
What is the best life lesson that you’ve learnt?
What has been your happiest memory?
Did you ever have a rebellious phase?
Did you live a similar lifestyle to me before I came into the world?
What is one thing about you that you’d like me to pass onto the next generation?
What’s a core memory that you have pre-parent hood?
Are there any unexpected people/names in our family tree?
What historical events did you witness pre-parenthood? E.g. Did you see the moon landing?
Of course for some, the idea of having those *deep* chats can feel a little daunting.
‘Start small,’ says Charlotte. ‘Ask simple questions that are light hearted.’
She also reccomends finding common ground. ‘To deepen bonds with a parent, do an activity both of you enjoy so the connection comes naturally, and the conversation feels more organic,’ she says. ‘Take a walk together, cook a favorite dish, or head to a museum.’
Alternatively, you don’t have to go in with the personal questions right away. Charlotte says: ‘Parents have often experienced and seen a lot of different things during their time, so why not pick a historical event your dad lived through and ask him about his experience.’
How to get to know your dad when you find it hard to start a conversation
Still finding it tough? Crista Crowan shares her tips on how to get talking:
Drive and Talk: Personal and difficult conversations are often had during car journeys, as facial expressions are unable to be reviewed and both drivers and passengers can talk freely. Bear this in mind on your next road trip, however long or short the journey, it is a great forum to share stories.
Father Time: Set up regular check-ins with your parents as it’s easy to get consumed by everyday life. Talking about the family’s shared history can be an easy way to find common ground.
Informal Interviews: Put questions on slips of paper into a jar, then have him pull out a few to answer. Do a couple to get warmed up and then ask if he’ll let you record his answers to share with other family members.
Photographs: Are there any photos of your dad that you’d love to know the story behind? Take a look through some photo albums and ask questions about the people, places and stories behind them.
Do you have a story to share?
Get in touch by emailing [email protected].
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Just 23% of us know about our dads’ lives, pre-parenthood.