Jemini may have got ‘nul points’ in 2003 – but they are still Eurovision legends

2003 was also, somewhat historically, the first year the United Kingdom achieved the dreaded ‘nul points’) Picture: Getty Images)

The Eurovision Song Contest 2023 is momentous for many reasons – it’s a celebration of Ukraine, it’s only the second time one country has held it on behalf of another, and the UK is back on hosting duty for the first time since 1998.

It also, coincidentally, marks 20 years since a pretty significant contest in Riga back in 2003: the year Ukraine made its debut (their Olexandr placed 14th); the first and only time Turkey won, thanks to Sertab (the nation withdrew indefinitely in 2013); and the year Russia sent chart-toppers tATu, who were famously booed in dress rehearsals.

It was also, somewhat historically, the first year the United Kingdom achieved the dreaded ‘nul points’, thanks to Chris Cromby and Gemma Abbey’s double-act Jemini.

We all remember it. Us British Eurovision fans have been carrying the scars for two decades.

Their track Cry Baby, which had been selected by the British public via the selection show A Song For Europe, came 26th out of 26 entrants, and very definitively marked the beginning of the UK’s long and painful era of Being A Bit Rubbish At Eurovision.

But given that we, as a nation, seem to be in a better place with it nowadays, and the fact that Chris and Gemma hail from host city Liverpool, I say it’s time to give this song the belated, semi-ironic love it deserves.

Sure, the tune is naff, the choreography gives ‘half-arsed kids’ disco’ and the vocals are more than a little shaky – but with the benefit of hindsight, its low quality is also what gives it a certain kitschy, campy charm.

Watch it back now and compare it to the production values of the contest in 2023, and you almost wonder why it didn’t get negative points.

Gemma came to slay and also look slightly Christmassy in a back, leg and shoulder-baring red outfit; while Chris looks peak turn-of-the-century with his Y2K hair and extremely baggy jeans.

The dance moves are exquisite: the line ‘must have been crazy’ gets the classic finger-twiddle-round-the-head, and there are enough hip wiggles and shoulder raises to take any millennial back to the school discos of yore.

The song itself – which has big Hear’Say B-side energy – comes complete with a twiddly guitar, a clap-a-long chorus, and rhymes you can see coming from a mile off (‘I’ve got my whole life to live / Got more love to give’).

It’s easy to think ‘ah, but it was in-line with the sound of the time’ – but actually, it kinda wasn’t. It was too late to even sound like a bargain-basement Steps knock-off: they’d already been split-up for a year and a half.

So arriving after game-changing British pop songs like Sound Of The Underground, Freak Like Me and Just A Little, it was already dated. And to think, the British public were the ones who chose it…! No wonder the Beeb (eventually) scrapped our internal national selection shows.

It all just adds to the glorious, endearing mess of it all.

It’s bad, yes, but charmingly so. It’s iconic. It’s historic!

While the extremely likeable Mae Muller looks unlikely to challenge for the win this year, the UK does seem to have finally revitalised its relationship with Eurovision (Picture: EBU)

Still, the whole furore must have been a very rough ride for the two people at the heart of it: they were viciously ridiculed in the media, dropped by their record label, and their manager said their dressing room was vandalised.

Despite a chirpy post-show interview in which Chris took the opportunity to shrug off the defeat with a chirpy, ‘sorry guys, we gave it our best shot – but the single’s out on Monday!’ (it reached No15); it can’t have been easy to be the butt of everyone’s jokes for 20 years.

Speaking on the 2013 documentary How To Win Eurovision, Gemma alleged that they were the only country in the competition without in-ear monitors to help them pitch their vocals, and they were aware from the get-go that things weren’t going well.

‘I knew it wasn’t right when the song started,’ she said. ‘But when you’re on stage in front of however-many million people, we were just trying to pull it back as much as we could.’

‘When we’ve looked at it back, loads of them were crap!’ she added. 

As we all know, they aren’t our only flops: since Jemini, the UK has come last a further four times – the most recent occasion, with James Newman’s Embers (2021), also provided our second dalliance with the ol’ ‘nul points’.

In fact, prior to Sam Ryder’s triumphant display in 2022, we’d only pierced the top 10 once post-Cry Baby – with great thanks to Jade Ewen, who came fifth.

It would be misguided to blame that prolonged losing streak on Jemini themselves: they’re not responsible for what the UK’s Eurovision bigwigs did selection-wise for the years that followed.

And pants as it may be, Cry Baby isn’t even the UK’s worst Eurovision track of the century. Take a look at the list, there are plenty of other options. That Sounds Good To Me, anyone?

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So while there’s really very little to say about that performance by way of high-praise, I think enough time has passed for us to look back and appreciate Jemini’s historic naffness, welcome them warmly into hun culture and embrace them as bona fide UK Eurovision legends.

While the extremely likeable Mae Muller looks unlikely to challenge for the win this year, the UK does seem to have finally revitalised its relationship with Eurovision, as displayed by Ryder’s amazing showing last year, and the BBC’s (and the city of Liverpool’s) incredible efforts with hosting in 2023.

So now we’re (touch-wood) out the other side of that prolonged dark spell, let us go easy on Jemini and declare them official UK Eurovision icons.

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I think enough time has passed for us to look back and appreciate Jemini’s historic naffness, welcome them warmly into hun culture and embrace them as bona fide UK Eurovision legends.