Man is less than impressed with his uncooked vending machine pizza after it appeared in Glasgow (Picture: Getty)
Pizza is undoubtedly one of the best drunk foods after a big night out – especially when it gets served to you in under three minutes.
This new vending machine in Glasgow’s Merchant City claims to be able to provide just that, and its sudden appearance has left many locals curious to try it out for themselves.
Pizza fan John McCarthy found himself feeling a little peckish after polishing off a ‘couple of cans’ one night, and decided to test out ‘wall pizza’ for himself.
He wrote on Twitter: ‘This week. I hit my lowest culinary point after a couple of cans. In Glasgow, there’s a pizza vending machine, in the wall of an abandoned shop.
‘It’s a curious thing. It MUST be bad. But how bad??? Let’s find out.’
John proceeded to order a pizza which he claims cost him £9 to order and was curious to see what would happen next.
‘Order logged. £9. NINE OF THE QUEEN’S GREAT BRITANNIC POUNDLINGS. *Kings. And a three minute wait.
‘Noises coming from the vender. Mechanical wonders coax to life to craft the pizza. Hunger pangs drown them out. Will. The. Wall. Deliver?’
As the whirring of the machine continued unabated, John started to doubt if he would ever get his pizza.
He did – but it wasn’t what he expected.
After retrieving a box from the machine which was ‘smaller’ and ‘lighter’ than he anticipated, John flipped the lid to reveal… an uncooked pizza.
He wrote: ‘So. It didn’t cook? At. All. *yes they are supposed to.
‘I almost went back and bought another one? Did I accidentally choose RAW PIZZA in drunken stupor. Surely. Not.’
Yet despite the setback John persevered with his task and resumed reviewing the pizza upon arriving back home.
He writes: ‘Just because it is inedible. Doesn’t mean we can’t review the Letterbox Goodfella. We’ve a wheaty base.
‘There’s either flour or asbestos on it. There IS cheese. It is definitely a less than generous serving but it may melt well. The tomato base. It sure is the correct colour.
‘I trundle home with this Italian shame cradled in a torn box. The pizza is more than a meal, this potemkin paesano is the failed promise of society that told us to work hard, play fair and be rewarded.
‘Even God can’t forgive the creators of this Heinz communion wafer. But I’m a resourceful soul with an oven and the courage to use it.’
John continued to share how his drunken cooking skills left the pizza looking rather ‘crunchy’ and burnt.
After the entire ordeal, he claims he was left ‘standing here wondering how to get a refund of a god damn wall’.
He concluded: ‘I dared to dream that a vacant retail space could feed me. We’re not there yet. Perhaps we’ll never be.’
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